The Never-Ending Wall

I wrote earlier that I had hit the wall during the lockdown. I hoped it was a one day blip. It was not. I took the day off that Friday and gave myself a three day weekend. For those three days I was pretty much OK. I did some cleaning and yard work to not feel completely useless, but I also spent some time watching TV, reading, and doing other things that were good for my mental health. Then, Monday rolled around and I was back to dreading the day every day.

I thought maybe getting out of the house and visiting the branch on Friday would help a little. I think the visit stressed me out more than I already was. Another sign that everything I actually like about work is gone and will be for a long time. Its hard to have something to look forward to when it seems like I will be exactly where I am for the next few months. It is even more depressing when I see posts from back home n Kentucky where they have done a better job of containing the virus and are getting closer to back to normal. Normal is a long time off for me.

I had another three day weekend this weekend. For the most part, it was a good weekend. I did as little as possible on Saturday. Sunday we had our time to go move the rest of the stuff out of my daughter’s dorm room. I’m usually a little sad when we move her into her room, but this was probably worse. I dread the thought of school being online again in the fall. She loves college and being with her friends so much and really hated the online end to Spring. I wish she and her friends would get a house together off-campus so that even if school is online they can experience it together. So, after the sad experience, we had lunch from her favorite place near her dorm and headed home. We grilled hamburgers, played Life, and had fun.

Yesterday was my yard work day and I noticed as the day wore on I got more and more depressed. I started to dread the end of the day. It was almost time to be back on the clock. I’m back to being sad this morning. It’s not hard to comprehend what makes me sad. I could deal with all of this better if I was retired already. I need to work on convincing my wife that I should quit working until the end of the year to get my head straight and figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I can’t imagine that it will work.



6 thoughts on “The Never-Ending Wall

  1. Have you talked to your wife about these things? She won’t know how much it’s affecting you if you don’t.


  2. Take it hour by hour. I can understand how you feel and it’s hard showing up day after day. I really would take others advice and talk to your wife. It might not change anything but it’ll make you feel lighter.

    Liked by 1 person

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