Tag Archives: depression

2020

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I’ve been thinking about posting a list of goals for 2020 but then I look back at my goals for 2019, think about how I failed at them and figure there is no point in making up new goals.

I said I would keep my yearly goal of reading 100 books for the year and didn’t even make 85. I set my Goodreads goal at 100 again. Maybe I will get back on track this year.

I said I would do more stuff out of the house and then spent more time at home instead.

I said I would go outside more. I did make an effort to read on the deck more when the weather was nice but could do better.

I said I would take more short trips to KY to see family. I went once and not until November.

I didn’t succeed much with my 2019 goals. A good bit of that can be attributed to my spiraling into a depression. That depression can in a large part be attributed to a very bad daily environment once I leave my house. I don’t see my daily life changing in 2020 so I can’t imagine I would be extremely successful in doing better in 2020.

I will try to do better in dealing with my stress and anxiety. I will try not to let my stress and anxiety follow me home. I will try to figure out how to change my daily life without negatively affecting my long term plans.

I guess my 2020 goal will be getting better mentally and emotionally. Many of my leftover goals from 2019 would help with that. Here’s hoping for a happier, healthier 2020 for Tater.

One final goal – to have happier, funnier posts here in 2020. No one wants me to post daily about being stuck in an unhappy situation.

In Search of the Christmas Spirit

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It’s a dark and dreary night. I’m spending my second night home alone. My wife is out of town for work. It’s still one week away from my daughter coming home from college. My son is at his house. I’ve done nothing really Christmasy this year. Last year at this time we were at Zoo Lights at the National Zoo and then went out for dinner. This year, as mentioned above, I’m alone. The dark and dreary weather matches my mood. I can’t seem to get in the Christmas spirit this year.

I dressed up as Santa for work yesterday and had multiple kids get their picture taken with me. It still didn’t get me in the mood to celebrate.

We have our work holiday party tomorrow. Usually, I would be looking forward to some time with coworkers having fun instead of working. I’d rather have a snow day and stay at home alone.

Our Christmas tree is up and next to the couch where I’m writing this. Still not helping.

It might help if all this rain was snow.

It might help if I didn’t feel ill about leaving the house every day.

It might help if I wasn’t alone so much.

It will help when we get in the car and head toward Kentucky.

Only 9 days to go…

 

 

What’s the Point?

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It’s been another “what’s the point” period for me. The only change from this post is that I was offered another job, but turned it down for various reasons. Now I spend a lot of time wondering if that was a mistake.

The World's Common Tater

I almost didn’t write this one. I almost went back to find a happy post to reblog, but then I decided to just go ahead and do it. I’m very much in a “What’s the point?” mood these days.

I’m writing this knowing that on a good day 20 or so people will read it. I sometimes think that someday I will be one of those people with thousands of followers without worry about people actually reading what I write. In reality, I know that I will never have the time nor the talent to write stuff that thousands of people will want to read. So, I wonder this morning “What’s the point?” Why do this if I know no one cares? Why not spend the time I spend doing this reading a book or watching TV?

I still spend time looking at job opportunities in my field.  If the…

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The Summertime Blues

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I’ve got them and according to song, there ain’t no cure for them. My vacations are over. I don’t have anything else planned until Christmas. I mean nothing. No day trips. No fun activities. Nothing. Well, book club, but that’s regular enough I don’t really count it. I’m looking toward months of going to work and then going home and doing nothing.

Work is still in summer mode. Busier during the day, slower at night. People are on vacation, so staff is short. One person still on maternity leave. The first person I hired as a new supervisor has resigned and only has a week left. Staffing will be even shorter. Work will be less fun. I’ve hit a roadblock in my career. I can’t seem to move up. I can’t seem to move on. It’s a little depressing.

We are a month away from my daughter going back to school. That means I am a month away from being home alone for a couple of hours every day after work. I will fill the time with the TV shows I watch alone. I will try to spend more time on the deck reading when it is cooler, but I will probably spend it on the couch in front of the TV. Also, a little depressing I need a new hobby.

This is my Monday morning mood. I want to go back to bed.

Midweek Blues

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It’s been a long week and it is only Wednesday. I have to go to work soon, but I really don’t want to have to deal with the world. I need to find a job that will allow me to work from home and have limited contact with other people. At the very least, I wish I had an office job where I have limited contact with other people. I’m sure the other people would be happy to be rid of me.

I get in this type of mood on occasion. I just get worn down by dealing with people and need a break. Luckily, this week I will have limited time I am dealing with others. I took the afternoon off tomorrow so I can relax and enjoy March Madness. Friday is my normal day off and there is more basketball. I have no reason to leave my couch after 1:30 tomorrow afternoon until Saturday morning when I have to go back to work. I won’t have a reason to care about what anyone else is doing with their time. My day won’t depend upon anyone else but myself. Hopefully, the two days of basketball and relaxation gets me back in the right frame of mind to deal with other people.

It’s too bad I’m not good enough at the writing thing to make money. It would be great to be able to make money without ever leaving the house. Maybe I should stop on the way to work to buy a Powerball ticket. Being a multi-millionaire would be a good reason to have an excuse not to work outside of the house. In the meantime, if you enjoy my blog and would like to support my blogging habit or buy me a cup of coffee you can click here

This is the end of my whiny post. Maybe tomorrow’s post will be more fun. Maybe I will attempt to GIF the news again.

The Real World – Not a Fan

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Here we are, early January 2018. Christmas is over. Back to the real world. After weeks of Christmas lights, Christmas trees, and anticipation. After a 10 day trip back home to spend the holidays with family. We are back to the real world. Back to school. Back to work. Waking up to an alarm.  Waking up before sunrise. My son is back at his house near school. We are inching closer to the days when he no longer spends the entire break with us. We are inching closer to our youngest going away to college. There was another college acceptance letter waiting in the mail when we got home from the trip.  A dark and depressing mood to go along with the dark and depressing winter.

On the bright side – there was still some light in the sky when I got home from work last night and each night there will be a little more light.

Maybe tomorrow’s post will be brighter. Maybe not. I’m leaning toward writing about how I’ve always dreamed of running away. Maybe I can at least make it funny.