There are plenty of posts out there about being a successful blogger. This one will show you how to fail. Enjoy!
Start a Blog and then Ignore it For Years – I signed up for WordPress a long, long time ago. I posted a few times a year and never really thought about it. I started posting regularly a couple of years ago.
Once You Start Posting, Be Inconsistent – When I say I post regularly, what I really mean is that I post more often. There is noting regular about my posts. If you want to be sure no one will read your blog post at odd times, on different days and with no regularity at all. No one will ever know when to look for one of your posts.
Don’t Find a Niche – Be stubborn like me and post about random stuff with no consistency. One day it is politics, the next television. No one will know what they will get and many of your readers won’t be interested in the majority of your posts.
Don’t Publicize Yourself – Sure, have your blog post to Facebook and Twitter, but then just leave it alone. Don’t reshare much because you don’t want to annoy people. Bonus points if you do reshare in the most annoying way possible or by inserting yourself in a Facebook or Twitter conversation.
Be Bad at Interacting with Other Bloggers – Follow blogs, read them, but never feel like you have anything to add to the conversation so don’t comment. Get busy and then stop reading the other blogs for a while. Or better yet, don’t follow any other blogs at all. You don’t need them. You can do it all alone.
Write Really Fast About 15 Minutes Before You Leave For Work – Don’t stop to think about what you are saying. Don’t research topics at all. Don’t edit. Just type and post. People love error ridden, stream of consciousness posts. Occasionally forget to give the post a title before publishing. That’s professional level work right there.
Be Generally Bad at Writing – If you are really good at writing, you might do all of this and accidentally get an audience based on talent alone. The only way to ensure the lack of success at my level is to be an untalented hack.
If you follow these tried and true methods you too can have a mediocre, unnoticed blog. Good Luck!
dad, librarian, UK fan, Ravens fan, future hermit