Off Schedule

My life as it is now does not require setting an alarm. I have no particular time I need to be awake. My wife works from home and does not set an alarm that wakes me up. I generally still wake up relatively early. I consider it sleeping in if I sleep until 7am. During the first stretch of this new normal, I woke up by 6am and sometimes earlier. I would have my coffee and read the paper. I would do my daily morning crossword and Spelltower puzzles. I would have a post written for the blog by 8am. I would be dressed and making an attempt at the long form writing way before 9am. With this schedule, I felt like by 2pm I was at a point that I was done for the day. It was a nice schedule. I didn’t feel stressed. I had some sort of routine.

Lately, though, I have been a bit off. Part of this is due to the dog sleeping downstairs a lot and not waking me up early. I’ve gone from waking up around 6am to waking up between 6:30and 7. By the time I’ve had coffee with the paper and my puzzles, it can be pushing 8. I would generally do my blog post then, but I also want to be done with my shower and getting dressed to be out of the way of my wife getting dressed since she has an actual schedule. So, now I’m not getting started on writing anything until 8:30 or so. Some days, I barely get something published by 9. I know that generally if I don’t post by 9 my views drop considerably. So, now I have the stress of trying to get something written in less time than the norm. I already write too fast and don’t edit enough when blogging, so this is not optimal. It is after 9 before I even think about any other writing. Yet, I still get to the point by 2 that I am done.

My therapist has recommended I try yoga. I thought it would be easy to fit it into my schedule. Now, with the new normal, it is harder to find that time. I know I will be more likely to do it in the morning, but I have trouble doing it now for a couple of reasons. One, I already feel behind schedule so adding something else in is hard. Two, if I wait too late my wife is awake and will eventually cone downstairs, likely with a meeting on speaker, to get breakfast and it is disruptive. I have failed at getting that into my routine.

I’m thinking I might need to start setting an alarm so I wake up at a time that will make me feel like I’m on schedule for the day.

Too Much Sleep

A while back I wrote about how my sleep pattern was off after a trip and how much I needed sleep. I’m now having the exact opposite problem.

Now that I’m not staying up too late watching baseball, I tend to go up to my bedroom earlier than normal. I generally try to read for a bit before I go to sleep. If there is a football game on I will have that on while I read. Sometimes I will watch a show I watch alone while my wife continues her rewatch of the 80s TV show Hunter.

I’m starting to have more nights like last night. I went upstairs at 9 after barely staying awake for the show we were watching. I thought about turning on the football game, but didn’t. I just got comfortable and went to sleep early. Unlike in the earlier post this did. It mean I woke up early. I still stayed in bed until my alarm. That means I was in bed and sleeping(for the most part) for over 9 hours. That is not normal for me and tends to make me more tired.

I work in branch for 5 hours today. That will increase my weariness. My couple of hours after if working from home will not help. I then will have at least an hour alone after work before my wife is done with work. It will be a struggle to stay awake past 9 again tonight. The cycle will continue.

I know depression is a big part of it. As long as my days are spent the way they are this is unlikely to change. Maybe when my regular TV shows come back next month I will stay awake more to watch.

For now, I’m just really tired.

Click here to buy me a coffee that will likely disrupt my sleep patter even more.

My Off-Kilter Schedule

One thing that has been thrown out of whack over the past few months has been my sleep schedule. Really, my life schedule in general. It is going to take a bit for me to readjust as we move more toward normal. I’m not sure I will even attempt to adjust until my daughter goes back to school this fall. I will just be tired until then. Here’s a look at how my life schedule has changed.


Wake up around 6am. Drink coffee and read the paper while my wife gets ready for work. After she leaves for work, get ready for work. Work 9-5 most days. Come home to an empty house. Take the dog for a walk. Watch a TV show. Cook dinner if it is my night to do so. Eat dinner when my wife gets home around 7:30. Watch TV together until we go to bed around 10-10:30pm.

Early pandemic:

Still wake up around 6am or so. Drink coffee and read the paper while my wife and daughter sleep. On the clock 9-5 while my wife works upstairs and my daughter does school in the office. Clock out at 5. Walk the dog. Watch TV with my daughter until my wife finishes work and then eat dinner around 7 or so. Watch some more TV as a family. Go to bed reasonably early since we all have to be up early for work and school.

Post-school pandemic:

Same as above except my daughter is in bed until 2pm or so instead of doing school in the office. Continue to work while she watches Grey’s in the background. After work, watch old Survivor with her until my wife is done working and we eat dinner. TV or movie as a family. Bedtime varies.

Back to work part-time schedule:

I now work in the building for 4 hours a day. Some days are morning. Some days are afternoon. On morning days, the morning routine is the same and then I go to work. I arrive home around 2 or so, eat lunch and work some more from home while my daughter watches Grey’s.  We are now watching old Amazing Race when I’m done with work. Watch Jeopardy and then a random movie or TV show as a family. Afternoon workdays, i am off the clock when I get home so we go straight to the watching TV with my kid portion of the day. I fall asleep earlier now, so most nights after I get drowsy my wife and daughter watch Disney stuff while I sleep on the couch. Eventually, I go to actual bed. That time has gotten later and later the last few days.

It will be hard to readjust to the original schedule once my daughter is back at school and whenever I am back to work on a fulltime basis. I have no idea when my wife will ever go back to the office. Normal might be a long way off.

It will be nice to have tomorrow and Friday off to try to rest up from being so tired from my off-kilter schedule. I just hope people respect my days off and I really get time say from work.

My Kingdom for some Sleep

I wrote a few days ago about my sleep schedule being off after my trip. Usually, this lasts a few days and then I get back on track and start waking up at a normal time. This has not happened this time. Part of the problem is that I’m not doing enough in the evening to stay awake until a normal time. I’m falling asleep on the couch every night while watching TV. I then wake up early the next day and because of that I’m tired that night and the cycle continues.

Last night was worse than usual. I woke up at 4am. That’s not unusual. It’s normal for one of the pets to make a noise and wake me up at odd times. What is unusual is my inability to go back to sleep. This time it was made worse by my brain going to work stuff and other stressful things while I was trying to go back to sleep. I dozed a little off and on until the dog wanted to go out way too early and that was it for me. I went back to bed, but I didn’t sleep again.

Another weird thing about last night – I’m positive I opened my bedroom window before I went to bed last night. I would swear to that in court. I don’t remember ever closing the bedroom window. When I woke up early this morning the window was closed. There are only two people in the house and I know my daughter would not have closed the window in my room in the middle of the night. I guess I must have closed it for some reason last night while still asleep enough to not remember doing it. Very odd.

I work until 1-9 today. I planned to do some cleaning during my morning off, but now I think I will just try to rest this morning so I’m not too tired at work tonight, Maybe working until 9 will keep me awake long enough to reset my clock. Maybe this is my life now and I just need to use the 4am time to read more.

Early to Bed and Early to Rise

is getting annoying…

I’ve never been a late sleeper. For me, waking up at 8am is sleeping in. On my days off I’m still typically awake by around 7. I don’t mind that so much. It’s kind of nice to be awake early. To have my coffee and read the paper while it’s still quiet and before I feel like it’s time to get started doing things. However, since I’ve been back from Baku I’ve been waking up really early. I’ve generally been out of bed at 5:30am every day since we’ve returned. This means I’m really tired and ready to go to bed before 10 at night. It’s a vicious cycle with no end in sight.

It could have ended today. I had book club last night and didn’t get home until close to midnight. I did fall asleep at book club at one point, but I’m not sure if that is the waking up early or if book club people are just more boring these days. It’s a toss-up. Instead of getting to sleep a little, though, I had to set an alarm for 5:30am to drive my son to the airport and now I’m about to head to work. This means I will fall asleep watching a movie tonight(that’s nothing new) and go to bed early again. I will wake up early again tomorrow and the cycle continues.

I might be broken forever.

Sometimes My Brain is a Jerk

My dog woke me up at 5:30 this morning to go out. Normally, I would just stay up at this point, drink coffee and read the newspaper. Today, however, is my late day. I work 1-9 instead of 9-5 so I decided to go back to bed and try to get a little sleep. Unfortunately, my brain kept trying to dwell on work stress and it was a lot of work to try to get it to stop so I could go to sleep.

When I finally dozed, my brain took that opportunity to be a jerk again. In my light doze I dreamed that I was offered the promotion I interviewed for recently. You would think that would be a pleasant dream, but no. Dream brain decided to make me panic and think that I would be bad at the job. Awake, normal brain know that isn’t true. I wouldn’t go for the job if I didn’t think I would be good at the job. I would be great at the job and also the other promotion I will apply for this week. Early morning brain, however, told dream me that I would suck at both jobs. Sleep was not going to happen this morning.

I almost let dream brain give me a crisis of confidence. Maybe I keep getting turned down for promotions because MPOW realizes what I don’t, that I’m not good enough. Maybe I’m not even good at the job I have now. Maybe I should have just stayed in jail. Maybe that’s all I’m good at..if I was even good at that. Some of that feeling still lingers. My brain is a jerk.