I wrote a few days ago about my sleep schedule being off after my trip. Usually, this lasts a few days and then I get back on track and start waking up at a normal time. This has not happened this time. Part of the problem is that I’m not doing enough in the evening to stay awake until a normal time. I’m falling asleep on the couch every night while watching TV. I then wake up early the next day and because of that I’m tired that night and the cycle continues.
Last night was worse than usual. I woke up at 4am. That’s not unusual. It’s normal for one of the pets to make a noise and wake me up at odd times. What is unusual is my inability to go back to sleep. This time it was made worse by my brain going to work stuff and other stressful things while I was trying to go back to sleep. I dozed a little off and on until the dog wanted to go out way too early and that was it for me. I went back to bed, but I didn’t sleep again.
Another weird thing about last night – I’m positive I opened my bedroom window before I went to bed last night. I would swear to that in court. I don’t remember ever closing the bedroom window. When I woke up early this morning the window was closed. There are only two people in the house and I know my daughter would not have closed the window in my room in the middle of the night. I guess I must have closed it for some reason last night while still asleep enough to not remember doing it. Very odd.
I work until 1-9 today. I planned to do some cleaning during my morning off, but now I think I will just try to rest this morning so I’m not too tired at work tonight, Maybe working until 9 will keep me awake long enough to reset my clock. Maybe this is my life now and I just need to use the 4am time to read more.
is getting annoying…
I’ve never been a late sleeper. For me, waking up at 8am is sleeping in. On my days off I’m still typically awake by around 7. I don’t mind that so much. It’s kind of nice to be awake early. To have my coffee and read the paper while it’s still quiet and before I feel like it’s time to get started doing things. However, since I’ve been back from Baku I’ve been waking up really early. I’ve generally been out of bed at 5:30am every day since we’ve returned. This means I’m really tired and ready to go to bed before 10 at night. It’s a vicious cycle with no end in sight.
It could have ended today. I had book club last night and didn’t get home until close to midnight. I did fall asleep at book club at one point, but I’m not sure if that is the waking up early or if book club people are just more boring these days. It’s a toss-up. Instead of getting to sleep a little, though, I had to set an alarm for 5:30am to drive my son to the airport and now I’m about to head to work. This means I will fall asleep watching a movie tonight(that’s nothing new) and go to bed early again. I will wake up early again tomorrow and the cycle continues.
I might be broken forever.
My dog woke me up at 5:30 this morning to go out. Normally, I would just stay up at this point, drink coffee and read the newspaper. Today, however, is my late day. I work 1-9 instead of 9-5 so I decided to go back to bed and try to get a little sleep. Unfortunately, my brain kept trying to dwell on work stress and it was a lot of work to try to get it to stop so I could go to sleep.
When I finally dozed, my brain took that opportunity to be a jerk again. In my light doze I dreamed that I was offered the promotion I interviewed for recently. You would think that would be a pleasant dream, but no. Dream brain decided to make me panic and think that I would be bad at the job. Awake, normal brain know that isn’t true. I wouldn’t go for the job if I didn’t think I would be good at the job. I would be great at the job and also the other promotion I will apply for this week. Early morning brain, however, told dream me that I would suck at both jobs. Sleep was not going to happen this morning.
I almost let dream brain give me a crisis of confidence. Maybe I keep getting turned down for promotions because MPOW realizes what I don’t, that I’m not good enough. Maybe I’m not even good at the job I have now. Maybe I should have just stayed in jail. Maybe that’s all I’m good at..if I was even good at that. Some of that feeling still lingers. My brain is a jerk.