It’s been over a year since everything changed with the pandemic. It’s been almost four months now since I left my job. I used to be the only thing in Tater town that wasn’t normal now nothing was normal. We are still not quite to normal yet but I am getting a small taste of normal.
Saturday I went to the library to pick up a hold. Usually, I don’t see anyone when I do this. It is contactless pickup from the lobby. Most days I run in, grab my item and leave. I might knock on the door and wave. It depends on who I see. This time, one of my former co-workers was outside on break so I talked to them for a few minutes. When I went to pick up my hold, another former coworker was getting ready to put the holds out and had to go get mine for me so I got to chat with them for a bit. I texted one other person who was at work that I was there so they took their break and came outside to say hello. It was the first time I’ve talked to any of them since December.
Sunday morning I went to actual church for the first time since March of 2020. I got up early and went to the outdoor sunrise service where I could stand far away from everyone else but still experience the service.
I did talk to one person after the service. I had not seen them since the last time I attended church.
Last night both kids came home for dinner.
Today my wife has to go in to the office because she needs something there to do her work. It’s still not quite normal. She won’t leave for the office until mid-morning and I still will have nowhere I need to be, It is still closer to normal than I’ve had lately.
Things could be happening soon that will get us closer to normal. Things I won’t talk about until after the fact because my anxiety and pessimism won’t believe in good things until they actually happen.
It will be nice when we go back to me being the only abnormal thing around here.
I am not an optimistic person. I always assume the worst. I feel like that is the better bet. It’s easier to assume the worst and be surprised when it doesn’t happen than to be sad when you expect good things and they don’t happen. It’s probably not a healthy way to live, but that’s me.
I’m at a point now, though, that I need optimism. I need optimism because everything pretty much sucks. The news is all terrible. We are still social distancing and kids can’t go back to school in person. There’s a good chance we won’t have college football this fall. My job still depresses me. My daughter moves into her apartment near college this week where she will live even if school is all virtual this year. This means my life will be going to a job that is slowly killing me and then clocking out to hours at home alone while my wife is still working coupled with worry about my kids who don’t live with us. I need optimism.
So many other people seem determined to dash any optimism. I still look at the coronavirus numbers every day. There is some reason for optimism there. Maryland’s numbers are looking better every day. Yesterday, the national numbers were at the lowest they’ve been in a while. I look at the Twitter threads because people post more detailed numbers in the threads that I find interesting. Unfortunately, the threads are also full of people determined to end any optimism. They point out any reason they can find to discredit any positive trends. There are always the “just wait two weeks” people. News about football gets posted and people jump on to be the first to opine that the season won’t happen. It’s all doom and gloom and nothing will ever be normal again. We will see headlines about how UNC failed at in person college, but any success stories will either be buried or ignore completely. We are addicted to bad news porn.
I need optimism and positivity. I just don’t know where to find it.