Fake Back Stories For Some of My Fake Bands

In a blogging group on Facebook Lorna from Gin & Lemonade suggested we post a link to our blog so others could read a few posts and suggest a topic. When I posted mine she suggested I write about two of the bands on my fake band name post that is pinned to the top of my blog. I haven’t updated in a while, but it is where I list phrases I hear in life that I think would make a good band name. I never really thought about a story for the bands, but I will give it a try.  I will start with the two she mentioned, but I will try a few more. Also – I would love to see these used in real life. If you know a band who needs a name, please use them..

Hipster Dude Ranch – This is a group of guys who thought it would be fun to “ironically” sing new versions of the old cowboy music of people like Roy Rogers. They soon had a following of other hipsters who love things that are done “ironically”. They perform at local craft breweries and coffee shops. They are universally hated by everyone outside their loyal following.

Tuesday Night Cake – A Sacramento based Cake cover band, They love Cake and love the fact they are from Sacramento. Unfortunately, there is not a high demand for a Cake cover band, even in Sacramento. They only play once a week – Tuesday nights at the bar at the Holiday Inn. Thus the name.

Transient Anus – Death metal band. They produce a lot of shitty music, but only on demand.

Unclean Widow – A band that formed at a grief support group when several members realized they all were musicians. The music is angry and sad and helps them process their grief. It’s also a good way to pick up guys who can also help them forget their grief for a while.

Amish Kindergarten – Acoustic band made up of friends who have known each other since they were 5. They all hate each other now, but they stick together in the hopes of making it big.

I guess i should go cook dinner now, so I will stop there.

Sometimes I’m Wrong

I know that this is major breaking news to those who know me in real life. I’m a freaking genius. How can I be wrong? I know it is hard to believe, but it happens. Sometimes I make mistakes. Sometimes when doing the schedule I click on the wrong name. Sometimes I miss something that is on a calendar. I hate admitting that I’m wrong. I hate discovering or being told I made a mistake. It’s not a fun feeling. You know what I don’t do? I don’t try to sharpie my way out of it. I don’t spend an entire week trying to pretend that my mistake wasn’t a mistake. I try my best to fix my mistake. I look at why I made the mistake in an effort to not do it again. I try to learn from my mistakes, but I will still make mistakes. I will still be wrong on occasion. Maybe I should buy some sharpies…

More breaking news – sometimes I won’t have the answer to a question. I know this is hard to read. I’m shattering all of the illusions people have of me. I’m not sure how they will go on knowing this. I don’t know everything. Grammarly tried to change that sentence to “I don’t know anything” Fuck you Grammarly. Anyway, sometimes you will ask me something and I won’t know the answer. When this happens I will do the unusual thing of saying that I don’t know and then might recommend you ask someone I think might know the answer or I will offer to ask them myself. I won’t pretend to know something I don’t. Eventually, someone will figure out you don’t actually know. Wouldn’t that be more embarrassing than just admitting it in the first place?

I also won’t pretend I did something I didn’t. I won’t take credit for someone else’s work. I won’t pretend that I did something I didn’t do and then try to do it real quick and pretend it was done all along. I won’t real quick add something to my calendar and pretend it was there and other people just missed it before. If you do that don’t you realize that you aren’t fooling anyone? We don’t all live in a vacuum. People talk to each other. If you tell someone you did something someone else did don’t you think it is possible word will get back to the person who actually did it? Or that perhaps the person you asked to do it asked someone else to do it and now you are telling the person who did it that you did it(based on a real-life event)? Just stop. You aren’t fooling anyone who is paying attention.

So, in short. I am a flawed human trying to do the best I can Sometimes I will fail. I will try my best not to become a person who tries to sharpie my way out of a mistake. I will not pretend to be something I’m not. Unfortunately, it seems the sharpie people are the people who move ahead in life and people like me who get left behind.