Some Song Lyric Thoughts

A song got stuck in my head today and it made me start thinking about some song lyrics and alternate meanings to the words. I jotted a few down and have added some thought. I only made it to five before my mind went blank. Feel free to add some in the comments.

Every move you make Every vow you break Every smile you fake Every claim you stake I’ll be watching you – I will start with an easy one and one where the lyrics mean exactly what they say. There are plenty of love songs out there that could qualify the singer as a stalker. This is the one that always comes to my mind. This is not love. This is creepy and someone needs a restraining order.

I’ve got a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you – If you have aa hole in your heart, you aren’t missing someone. You have a septal defect and should see a doctor. Most holes close on their own, though many may need surgery or a catheter-based procedure to close the hole. Symptoms can be treated with blood pressure medicines or diuretics.

I can’t feel my face when I’m with you – There are multiple medical reasons that could account for numbness in the face. Since the numbness only occurs when you are with them, I would lean toward some sort of weird allergy, or they are poisoning you. Either way, I would recommend you stay away from them.

I’m addicted to you baby you’re a hard habit to break – Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous can probably help you. Don’t be ashamed to seek help. Addiction is an illness.

I’ve got chills, they’re multiplyin and I’m losing control – The chills might be caused by a fever, but chills and a feeling of loss of control is most likely a panic attack. You should see your doctor about anti-anxiety medication and consider therapy as well. I am a little concerned about the secondary “electrifying” symptom.

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Sponsored National Parks

I just saw an article about the possibility of National Parks being sponsored by businesses. I don’t think naming rights are being discussed, but I took it upon myself to come up with some possible sponsored names of National Parks. Feel free to suggest some more in the comments.

Grand Canyon sponsored by Big Ass Fans becomes Big Ass Canyon

Yosemite National Park sponsored by Walmart becomes Yosemite Sam Walton National Park

Great Smokey Bones Bar and Grill Mountains

Woolite Mammoth Cave

French’s Yellowstone National Park

Ever Glade® National Park

I Laugh in the Face of Day 28

I’m back to the real world after a weekend away with the church youth group. This is good news for the youth group, but bad news for the readers. I’m back to pretending I can write. Today’s post is supposed to be five things that make me laugh out loud. The problem is is that there is no consistency when it comes to what makes me laugh out loud. Some comedians I like make me laugh out loud sometimes, but other times they don’t. Same with TV shows and comedy movies are hit and miss. So, I am changing it up a bit and writing about when I am more likely to laugh out loud. You hear that writing challenge? You’re not the boss of me!

  1. With my family in KY: Sometimes this means I am laughing at them. Sometimes it means I am laughing with them. I laugh at my sister(after we know she isn’t hurt) when she falls trying to kick the ball in kickball. Obviously, she did not inherit any of the athletics genes in the family. I laugh with them when we are playing games and just sitting around talking. While I am quite obviously the most hilarious of the bunch, I have to admit that the rest of them can be pretty funny(and funny looking).
  2. With my friends: About once a month I get together with a group of friends. I still suspect I am there out of pity or something and that I am expendable. I also have proof that I bore them so much that I put them to sleep, but I still laugh a lot when I am there. Again, I am funnier than them, but they can make me laugh. Sometimes I’m laughing at my own jokes at their expense. That counts, right?
  3. With my Wife and Kids: Unfortunately, they do not think think I’m funny. I think their sense of humor is broken. It’s OK. I can laugh enough for all of us. My son is almost 20. It’s not too long until he will appreciate the “dad jokes”.

Hmm. That didn’t seem to work as I only have 3. I guess I will use an actual “something” or “someone” for the final two. I’ve failed at my rebellion from the challenge demands.

4. Stephen Lynch Songs and Jim Gaffigan : An extremely inappropriate and politically incorrect singing comedian and the family friendly Gaffigan are the two people who consistently make me laugh. Lynch is the only comedian I have paid to see in concert and I would pay to see Gaffigan if I could get someone to go with me. Weird that two totally different comedians can make me laugh, but I’m weird, so it works.

5. Galavant and Brooklyn 99: the only two TV shows that consistently make me laugh. They are also the only two TV comedies my wife will watch. That says something about how good they are, especially Galavant since it is also a musical.

 

An Easy Way to Make “Funny” Songs

Here are some tips to making up funny songs to sing to/annoy your kids if you are as uncreative as me.

Change the word money to monkey:

Monkeys Can’t Buy Me Love

Take the Monkey and Run

Monkeys for Nothing

Change the work girl to squirrel:

Fell in Love with a Squirrel

Squirrel on Fire

California Squrrrels

Change the word bullet to mullet:

Mulletproof

Mullet thee Blue Sky

Mullet with Butterfly Wings

 

Too Soon?

I’ve been thinking about two different ideas of too soon recently. The first is a little less serious than the second.

Spoilers: how soon is too soon for spoilers? How long should we wait before we stop worrying about spoiling shows for other people? So many people watch TV via DVR and DVD now that we will always know someone who has not watched a show, but plans to some day. Many people cry all the time about spoilers and apparently think no one should ever spoil a TV show or movie ever. In a recent Entertainment Weekly article, the writer says he was yelled at for giving away the ending of Citizen Kane, a movie that was released before he was born. Personally, I don’t care if I know what is coming in a show. I would prefer not to be spoiled on major events, but it doesn’t change my enjoyment of the show if I do know. I respect the opinion of “no spoilers ever” and won’t talk about a show on purpose in front of people who don’t want to be spoiled. I do tank, though, that the burden is on them when it comes to articles online. If you don’t want to know, don’t read. Too soon? It is a personal decision and you need to make an effort to avoid it yourself and not impose your view on others.

The other too soon topic is humor? The Onion is known for publishing satire about recent news events. When those news events are tragic, people complain that it is too soon to joke about it. Is there such a thing as too soon when it comes to humor? Are there events that will always be off limits when it comes to humor? I personally like The Onion articles and think they do a good job of covering tragic events without being insensitive to the victims. Are any topics off limits? I don’t think so. I think humor is a very personal thing. If you don like the humor about tragic events, don’t read the articles or stop listening to the joke. Walk away. Don’t impose your humor rules on others.

But seriously folks…

All day today I have read posts on friendfeed decrying April Fool’s Day and the fake stories posted on the internet. I guess we have all finally lost our sense of humor. We now take our internet so seriously that one day with a little fun is seen as an annoyance and not something to enjoy? I wish we had more days like this. People need to lighten up and have a little fun.