Saturday Funnies

I enjoy posting funny pictures I find in Twitter or Facebook. When I first started my Tater Facebook page as a joke I used it to post these random pictures. Here are some of my favorites.

No thank you
Manhole is a funny word
Remind me not to visit Kansas City
A twist on a classic
It is a dilemma
Pretty good price for a majestic ass one
Font matters
What I wanted to say every day before I quit my job
Valentines Day packages

Happy Saturday

Sunday Funday Photos

I thought I would share three photos I found and have shared recently on social media.

They spelled the first word wrong, but the warning is appreciated.
A difficult decision in these unprecedented times
This sign will come in handy now that China has determined anal swabs are more accurate in testing for Covid.

Back When I Was Funny on Facebook

The below status update up in my memories today. It reminds me that I used to be funny on social media. Someone once told me I should put all of my witty posts in a book. I think they were exaggerating my humor, but I used to be known for being funny. Maybe now that I will be less stressed I will be funny again.

Humor at the Worst of Times

I wrote in the middle of the lockdown about how there is a time to laugh, even in bad times.

This is the four year anniversary of the death of my mom. TimeHop and Facebook memories are reminding me every day of her death and my travel home for her funeral. They are tough memories, especially at a time when I am already struggling. Today’s memory, though, reminded me that you can find humor even at the worst of times. The below photo and caption is something I posted while at the funeral home when I saw my niece’s kid in this position. She was not as amused as I was.

There is a time to laugh. Sometimes even when it is time to cry as well.

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A Time to Cry…A Time to Laugh

WordPress has started up their daily prompts again and today’s word is joke. Joke Is a hard word for this point in time. Normally on April 1 I would be annoyed reading all of the stuff people are posting on Facebook and Twitter about how much they hate April Fools Day. I would guess that many people with we lived in a world today where we could pull random pranks on each other.

It is a hard time to be funny. I’m happy the late-night shows have returned in some format and that they are telling jokes. I’m happy to see some friends posting funny stuff on social media. I got way too bogged down in the news and forgot that humor can help alleviate stress and anxiety. You would think I would be better at that. I am the guy who took a picture of my niece’s baby in a car seat next to a trash can at the funeral home at my mom’s funeral and posted it with the caption “It’s a shame when people throw away a perfectly good Guatemalan baby” If I can find humor in one of the saddest times of my personal life I should be able to find ways to laugh in isolation. I think we can find ways to laugh while still taking this seriously.

So, watch stand up specials, watch sitcoms, laugh with your family. It will make you feel better and get us through this.

If you want to see some of my past attempts at humor click one of these.

The One Where Tater Thinks He’s Hilarious

Pondering Life’s Important Questions

What’s Your Sign?

I Learned to Knock that Day

 

 

 

The One Where Tater Thinks He’s Hilarious

Another update of a lighter post so I don’t depress everyone with more talk about quarantine

One of the things I enjoy about Facebook memories and Timehop is the reminder that I think I’m hilarious. Here are some recent statuses that have popped up and other things I’ve sad that I Can remember:

Wife: Is there a Tuesday Morning in Annapolis? Me: Yes, Once a Week.

When I was a kid smoking crack meant you were standing too close to the fireplace.

Imagine when we were in high school telling someone you poked his sister and wrote on her wall.

I wanted to study abroad in high school, but I never could find one who would let me.

While in Finland – I don’t speak Finnish. I speak start.

I wish I had moves like Jagger, but instead, I got moobs like Meatloaf.

If you can’t figure out how to use a photocopier, you should not be allowed to reproduce.

You might catch flies with honey, but you catch more with bullshit.

I constantly make some sort of “naked” joke when they say a player is dressed for a game.

When my mom would leave the house when I was a kid she would say “If anyone calls I’ll be at the grocery store.” I would respond with “Where will you be if no one calls?”

I once picked up the second phone in the house while my mom was on a call, disguised my voice, pretended to be an operator and insisted she needed to insert more coins to continue the call.

Once, at dinner, someone asked “Do you wanna roll?” and I said “Sure” and then got down on the floor and rolled.

For some reason, no one else agrees with my assessment that I’m hilarious.

Unrelated advertisement – My son is doing a polar bear plunge to support the Chesapeake Climate Action Network. Click the link below to donate!

www.keepwintercold.org/bradley-simpson

Pondering Life’s Important Questions

Spend some quarantine time pondering these questions.

As I wait for it to be time to go to work I ponder these deep questions:

Why is everything at Giant Foods normal sized?

Can you buy half and half and Whole Foods?

Can you drink Naked Tea while clothed?

Is a female paparazzi a mamarazzi?

Can I drink Honest Tea while telling a lie?

How do the streets with no outlets get electricity?

Why are there signs on highway entrances banning animals on foot when animals can’t read?

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

Am I allowed to record The Today Show and watch it tomorrow?

Related – Can I record the Tonight Show and watch it in the morning?

If the men working are slow why not hire faster workers instead of just posting signs telling us they are slow?

When you post as sign the says Now Hiring Friendly People does that mean everyone you hired before was unfriendly?

These questions might be responsible for my lack of sleep at night.

What’s Your Sign?

Resurrecting some lighter posts periodically to take my mind off things. I should do more posts like these. I like it a lot more than the sad ones lately.
There are coupons in our staff lounge that are for one free child for each adult at the Baltimore Zoo. My first thought was that I don’t need another child, but then I wonder if they mean a human child or an animal child. If it is an animal child, I might reconsider, depending on the animal. One free child of any kind seems like a good deal, but possibly illegal. It’s an interesting promotion.

slowoutlet

The coupon made me think of other signs(I know the coupon was not a sign) that makes me wonder. There is the classic “Slow Children Playing” sign. I’m never sure if they mean slow mentally or physically but I see the “Slow Men Working” signs and I’m happy that the kids grew up and found a job. I see “No Outlet” signs on a lot of streets and I wonder how they use electrical appliances with no outlets. Maybe those are all Amish streets? One day I will go down one of those streets to investigate. There’s also the classic question of how the deer know that one particular location is where they are supposed to cross and couldn’t we make them cross the street at a more convenient location?

There was a daycare center on my route to my old job. The sign said it was MMA Daycare. I chose to believe that it meant it was a mixed martial arts daycare center and all of the kids were fighting every day after school. Someone I know shared the below sign. It sounds like an interesting fundraiser. I guess they want you to feel good about youself. I assume it can’t be too difficult to fight children with diabetes. diabees

Any funny or interesting signs you’ve seen?

Tater’s Tips For Staying Healthy

The news is full of information on ways to stay healthy. I thought I would share some things I’ve learned over the past few days. I can’t believe all of the things I was doing wrong. Here are Tater’s Tips. Write them down. They are valuable.

  1. The proper thing to do with your hands after using the restroom is not waving them in the air like you just don’t care.
  2. In addition to refraining from touching your face, you should also refrain from touching other people’s faces, especially those people you don’t know.
  3. You should not clean keyboards by licking them no matter how tasty the crumbs inside look.
  4. A vampire sneeze/cough does not mean you should bite someone while sneezing/coughing.
  5. Social distancing does not give you permission to physically shove people away.
  6. They will call the police.
  7. You should refrain from hugging and kissing people. This is also pointed out in the harassment training I am taking at work.
  8. Don’t eat or drink after others even if the food they leave behind on the table in the restaurant looks good.
  9. Many people will comment about how good this is for introverts. Punching them probably counts as touching their face.
  10. They will also call the police.
  11. Think of all the germs on the handcuffs.

And there you have it. Tater’s tips for staying healthy. You’re welcome.