What’s Good in Tater Town

A blogger friend does a weekly gratitude post. I decided that something similar would be good practice to remind myself that even in the bad weeks I should try to find the good. So, here is the first in the possible new weekly “What’s Good in Tater Town” series.

  1. Both of my kids came home for a few hours this week. Different day than the other, but both were here.
  2. I was able to take some last-minute time off to rest after a long couple of weeks at work.
  3. I met with our new CEO on Friday and she didn’t fire me on the spot.
  4. We had some days without rain this week and I was able to mow my lawn before I  needed a tractor.
  5. The Braves clinched the NL East and are going to the playoffs for the first time since 2013.
  6. Kentucky football beat #14 Mississippi State last night and are 4-0. 2-0 in the SEC for the first time in a very long time.
  7. My fantasy football team is 2-0.
  8. I’m on the second day of my first full weekend off in three weeks.
  9. It’s raining, but my wife still plans to pity me and go to the Ravens game with me today.
  10. Cooler, less humid weather is here.

Ten seems a good goal for each week. Hopefully, I won’t have weeks where I struggle to come up with that many.

 

 

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In Which Tater Cheats and Posts a Picture

I had a dentist appointment this morning and could not get myself in writing mode before I left. I was thinking I miss the days when there used to be a weekly photo challenge and I could just wait for that for my Wednesday post. I decided I would do one of my own. As I inch closer to an empty nest, I’ve decided to do a post of some of my favorite pictures of my kids. Here we go:

Tater Takes on a Marriage Quote About Becoming One

I saw the following quote on Facebook this weekend. It was directed at Christian couples on the topic of “becoming one”:

“Separate bank accounts, individual political views, clashing parenting styles, and private friends is not “becoming one.”

I am going to make an effort to coherently give my opinion on each of these areas.

Separate Bank Accounts:  I have mixed feelings on this one. I can how separate bank accounts could be both good and bad for a marriage. It could be good in a case where the only major difference you have is on how you spend your money.  In a perfect world, you would just say you could compromise and come closer in your  ideas of how to spend your joint money.  This is not a perfect world and we are not perfect people. If a separate bank account can help a couple get along better and avoid major money arguments I think it would be a good thing. The bad side is that a separate bank account could lead to suspicion and distrust, especially if it comes later in the marriage. It could lead someone to think there are nefarious reasons why their partner suddenly wants a private bank account.  I think the bank account thing has to be a couple by couple decision. One size does not fit all.

Individual political views: This is an odd one. Are you saying that one person has to change their political beliefs in order to make a marriage work? I don’t think “becoming one” means giving up your personal beliefs. Are you saying that you should never marry someone who has different political views than you?  I can see this in extreme cases. If you are strongly anti-gun you probably shouldn’t marry a gun owning NRA member. If you feel so strongly about an issue that a disagreement would be a deal breaker hopefully you know where the other person stands before you marry them. In general, though, individual political views are not a bad thing. Becoming one does not mean you become less of a person.  You should still be able to have opinions and views that are different from your partner’s.

Clashing parenting styles: I can mostly agree with this one. You have to be in agreement on how you are going to raise your kids. You can’t have one parent undermining that other when it comes to raising and disciplining your kids. Again, this is something that should have been discussed before marriage. It shouldn’t be a surprise if your partner is for or against spanking. Again, though, there are going to be differences. Even if you agree on the basics of how to parent, you each are going to do it a little bit differently than the other. Even if you become one, you are still not going to be robots. There will be differences. I agree that the overall parenting style should be similar, but it can’t be exact.

Private friends: Again, it depends on what they mean by private friends. If the private friends and people who your partner doesn’t know about and you are spending time with them without their knowledge that is likely a red flag. Why would you keep that from your partner unless you are hiding something? If your partner doesn’t want you to ever meet their work friends, but they are going out with them on a regular basis, there might be reason for concern. If you’ve met these friends and your partner is going out with the alone because you don’t want to go, that is a different story. I think it is healthier to have some couple friends instead of each person having their own individual friends. I have friends I spend time with on a regular basis without my wife, but she has met all of them and knows when I am going out with them. This is normal behavior.

In general, I think it is not a good idea to try to fit each couple in to a standard box. Everyone is different and every couple is different and what works for one won’t work for another. Also, unfortunately, there are churches out there that think women are not equal to men and a lot of this is a way to make sure they are kept in their place. You marriage should be patterned in a way that works for both of you.

Another Snippet of My Boring Life

I was trying to remember what I could use an excuse for not posting for a while and decided that there was no big conflict that kept me from posting. I looked back and saw a bunch of very ordinary days. So, I’ve decided to treat you to a glimpse of my boring life. Here is a synopsis of my days since I last posted:

Friday – I had the day off because I was scheduled to work the next day. I planned to clean bathrooms because I know how to party. My wife worked from home that day. This altered my plans in that I couldn’t start cleaning as early as I normally do because I wanted to make sure she was out of the way before I started. I spent the morning reading and waiting, I cleaned bathrooms and then, because my wife abandoned me to shop and my daughter was at work, I finally finished the first season of Stranger Things. That night we watched some shows on the DVR.

Saturday – I worked all day and then watched the Kentucky basketball game on delay. Somehow it has worked out that they always play afternoon games on the Saturdays I work and night games on the ones I don’t. I watched some football and that must be it because I can’t remember anything else.

Sunday – Church in the morning and football in the afternoon. It was fun watching Pittsburgh lose to Jacksonville. My wife made us clean he house more that afternoon because my son and his girlfriend were coming over for dinner.  Dinner with them, watched the exciting end to the Minnesota/New Orleans game. That was also a fun ending. We watched The Foreigner after they left. Well, my wife watched while I slept on the couch.

Monday – Day off for MLK Day. I watched Dark Tower on DVD and then read while my daughter binge watched Friends. We had Chipotle for dinner to support the fundraiser for French National Honor Society and watched TV.

Tuesday – All day meeting at my old branch to choose titles for the high school summer reading list, dinner, meeting at church for the youth conference I am chaperoning next weekend and then watched Kentucky basketball blow a 14 point lead  and lose to South Carolina.

There you have it. My lack of posting was not due to me doing fun and exciting things. My lack of posting was not due to any major emergencies or crises. My lack of posting was due to me being extremely boring.

One Year Later

Usually apps like Timehop and the Facebook “On this Day” are fun. Today, it was not. It has been one year since my mom lost her battle with cancer.  I wasn’t sure I would write anything today. I thought about doing a funny post to avoid the sad, but it seems like it would be better for me to write about it.

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It has been a tough year.  In addition to losing my mom, I changed jobs, we are in the process of college applications for our youngest kid and my brother had a heart attack. That’s a lot in one year. I admit now that changing jobs one month after losing my mom was a very bad idea. When grieving, normal can be a very good thing. I’ve not really had normal this year(most would say I have never been normal). I’ve dealt with a lot of stress, depression and general melancholy. Some mornings it takes all I have to get up and get out of the house. Some mornings I just feel sad and on the verge of tears. Some mornings I’m OK. Once I’m out of the house I’m generally good. I go to work and do a decent job. I write dumb little blog posts. It’s getting better, but I’m still not completely myself.  I didn’t see or talk to my mom as much as I should have, but I miss her a lot.