Just a quick note for those who have followed my posts about my needing a change.
Today I moved from talking to action. I have submitted my first application for a new job. Same field, very different location. I will continue my search over my four day weekend.
Now that I’ve decided to stop balking at messing up my ability to retire in five years I feel free to look for a wide variety of jobs. I would rather be happy at work for 10 years than miserable for 5.
In this case I mean sick as in physically ill. Every other day is the rambling of a mentally sick man. Today I am home sick from work. I went home early yesterday because I didn’t feel good. I woke up this morning not feeling great again. I knew the minute I woke up that I shouldn’t go to work. I got out of bed anyway. I had coffee and read the paper. I still knew I didn’t feel good enough to go to work. I took a shower and got dressed anyway. I still knew I didn’t feel good enough to go to work. I drove to work anyway. Once at work I realized I really shouldn’t be there. My boss took one look at me and agreed. I am now back home and under a blanket on the couch. I will try to nap today in hopes of feeling better. I don’t have one defining symptom. Just an overall feeling of blah. So, why do I try to convince myself to go to work when I’m sick? Let’s make a list.
Guilt – I think about the fact that other people will have to work extra hours on the desk if I’m not at work. I think about stuff I need to get done that will now be one day behind. I think about meetings I might miss. I feel guilty about all of this and convince myself that I should do to work.
Mild illness – I never get really sick. If others in my family get a stomach bug and can’t keep anything down for days I will feel a little queasy for a day or so. I get mild versions of everything so I never really feel so sick that I know for sure I should stay home.
Judgment – People can say they don’t judge you for calling out sick, but I know that isn’t always true. I’ve had enough people make comments or bring up the fact that I called out sick to know that there are people who look down on people who call out sick. I just need to stop caring about people like that.
OK, so it’s only a list of three, but that still counts as a list. I need to learn to stop worrying about it and start making sure I stay home to get better.
I will end with a quote that has been in my head as I wrote this
Don’t kill yourself for a job that would replace you within a week if you dropped dead
It would take a little longer than a week, but the sentiment is true.
Once upon a time, in an office far, far away(Baltimore) I worked for a terrible person. I was a contract employee and, even if this person wasn’t terrible, would need to find a new job eventually. During this terrible time, I filled in as the librarian at the women’s prison for several months. It had the benefit of not being in the same office as the terrible person and I felt I was actually doing some good. I applied for the open position and the terrible person passed on hiring the person actually doing the job and hired someone else. At this time, I became more active in my job search. At some point, the terrible person found out I was looking for a new job and was furious. She called me in to her office and yelled about how I owed it to her to tell her I was looking so she could start thinking about a replacement for me. I wish I would have had it in me then to tell her why exactly I owed her nothing. I did eventually find a new job, but it was right back to jail. You can read some of that story here.
The above story is brought to you by me hearing about others who are concerned about what people will think if people here they might be looking for a new job. No one should worry about what people think about them looking for a new job. No one owes it to anyone to tell them they are looking for a new job. No one owes it to an employer to not look for new opportunities. What you owe your employer is this – do your best when you are at work. Do the job you are paid to do. That’s it. That’s all you owe them. Same goes for supervisors and coworkers. If you have a good relationship with them and you think they will support you, by all means, let them know, but you don’t need to tell anyone anything you don’t want to tell them. You do owe it to yourself to do what is best for you and your family. That’s it. End of story. This also applies to people who work for me(though I can’t imagine anyone wouldn’t want to work for me forever).
There are lyrics to a Bowling for Soup song that apply here:
I recently hit 200 followers on this blog. I would like to say welcome to the new followers and also I’m sorry for the inevitable disappointment you will feel when you read my posts regularly. There are some people I follow who start a blog and 6 months later they have a gazillion followers. I would like to meet all of these bloggers in person so I can punch them in the face.
I drove down to a local shopping center today to get lunch and buy a gallon of milk. Every single 4 way/all way/ 3 way stop was a practice in frustration as people sat and waited because no one knows how it works and so nobody drove. This includes the people who are coming in to the shopping center and are not supposed to stop. It’s really not that hard. Why don’t people know how to do this? I’m not sure what confuses people more a 4 way stop or a traffic circle. It is really annoying.
My library is about to announce who they have hired as our new CEO. I went to a meet and greet with the candidates where I talked to each of them in a group setting for 10 minutes. So, of course, I think I know exactly who they should hire. Why would I trust the people who have interviewed them all twice and have seen their resumes. My gut feeling is obviously better than actual work, right? I am trying to remind myself not to really think this way when they announce the CEO. I’m sure they will make the right choice regardless of who I liked best in a very causal, brief meeting(but I’m sure I’m right).
We upgraded our TV service recently and now I can record u to six shows at a time and twice as much can be saved as before. I know this seems excessive, but for someone like me who gets more excited about the network upfronts than they do the Oscars this is big. I can finally sample all of the random new shows that air without juggling my recording schedule. Maybe I will try writing a few reviews even though I suck at writing reviews.
Only the second day of the month and I already have no clue where I’m going with the posts this month. I blame everyone who read yesterday’s post and didn’t give me a suggestion or ask a question. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
I am one of the lucky people who got an email from Panera that I have a free bagel every day this month, so I stopped on the way to work and sat for a little bit, eating the free bagel, drinking coffee and reading a book. Every time I do this – or sit there for a while on my day off – I think about how nice it would be to be the people who are there with their laptops, working and drinking coffee. I want a job that allows me to work from Panera while drinking coffee. Why won’t someone pay me to drink coffee at Panera while writing mediocre blog posts? Why won’t someone pay me to read books and watch TV? I want answers!
I’m also jealous of the retirees who gather every Friday at Panera. If I can’t have the above job, I want to retire early and go to Panera and have coffee mid-morning if I feel like it. Why can’t I retire early? It’s not fair!
So, basically, going to Panera makes me sad about the fact that I have a job and it is one that requires me to leave the house. Maybe I should stop going.
While my job at the state prison system provided a few interesting stories, there were two good reasons I needed a new job: my boss was a horrible person and the state job was contractual and provided no benefits. After being rejected when I applied for the job I was already doing, I knew that I had no future with the organization. After working in the office with the person in charge of the organization, I knew I didn’t want a future there. So, it was time to seek parole and/or escape from prison.
I once again hit the job trail. I started actively seeking new employment. My horrible boss was very angry when she found out and called me in to an office to yell at me for looking for a new job without telling her. Apparently, I was being unfair to her by trying to escape the misery of working for her. This just made me look harder for a new job. I sent out a multitude of resumes. I got three interviews.
Interview 1: The memory of this one is very hazy. I think it was the American Psychology Association, but I could be wrong. I can say for sure that it was at a professional association in DC. It was a decent interview where they walked me around and introduced me to people in the office as part of the process. I remember it feeling like it was not a place I would fit. They must have felt the same way. I did not get an offer.
Interview 2: My second interview was at a private school north of Baltimore. It was a beautiful campus. It was a very good interview. I really felt like this was the place I would land. When I received the call from them, however, I discovered it would not be the place for me. I had applied to be the assistant librarian and the school felt that I would not be happy as the assistant and would leave the job quickly. I tried to convince them that this was not the case. They didn’t believe me. I wanted to point out that the librarian was old and that I could wait her out, but I felt that was a mistake. I did not get an offer.
Interview 3: My third interview was with a public library system. The position was for the local detention center. It was also the library system that had returned my unsolicited resume back to me stamped rejected. It was not a good sign. At the interview, while shaking hands, I noticed one person had the list of interviewees face up in front of them. I quickly took a sneak peek while shaking their hand and discovered I was competing with someone else from the state prison system. I seemed doomed to fail. The interview went well and I received a call from the library asking me to come to a second interview with the administration from the jail. This one did not go as well. I was 26 years old and looked much younger and am not exactly an imposing figure. The security supervisor at the jail was furious that they had chosen me and said I wouldn’t last. He was not shy about saying that with me in the room. He was completely against me being hired. The rest of the room was not quite as hostile, but they were not friendly. I was sure that I was headed back out on the job hunt again. Instead, as we walked to our cars, the library people told me that it didn’t matter what the jail thought I was their choice and the job was mine if I wanted it. I was so desperate to get out of my current position that I readily agreed to go work at a place where the people in charge clearly did not want me. Spoiler alert: I outlasted every person in the room who said I wouldn’t last.
I was heading back to jail. I felt comfortable doing this because I was not intimidated by jail and also because I thought for sure I could work my way up and out of the jail before too long. I was so young and stupid.