We watched Hamilton this weekend. Today the lyrics ” who lives, who dies, who tells your story” are stuck in my head and it reminded me of this post. I’m still stuck on the same page I was when I wrote this and the story is getting old. I have lived these past three years with regrets instead of living my life the way I said I would. I don’t make the big move for various reasons. Fear, fear of letting others down, letting others push me to stay on the same page. It’s time to do what I said below and turn the page. I can’t even be a humorous cautionary tale if the story stalls.
This past weekend I went to the ROCK Conference in Ocean City with the youth group from my church. One of the bands that played the conference was Sidewalk Prophets. One of their songs, Prodigal, had some lyrics that really struck me.
Wherever you are, whatever you did
It’s a page in your book, but it isn’t the end
I have always had a problem with dwelling on my past mistakes too much. Sometimes this can lead to a fear of moving forward because you are afraid of making the same mistake again. It can also lead to self-esteem issues and a belief that you aren’t good enough because you have made mistakes in the past. I’ve gotten better about this recently, but I still occasionally let past mistakes creep back into my mind. I joke a lot about how great I am, and sometimes I actually believe it, but deep down I’m always afraid I’m not quite good enough. I need to forget the old stuff and focus on making sure the end of my book(I hope there are many more pages) is a good one.
I’ve been thinking a lot already this year about living life with no regrets.
I think these lyrics fit right in with that philosophy. Where I am now does not have to be the end of my book. I need to keep myself open to new experiences and new opportunities. This might mean a change soon. It might mean a new direction when I retire(less than 9 years away). So, I’m going to keep writing my book hoping it will be a book that is an inspiration to others or, perhaps, a comedic cautionary tale.
This is my weekend off. I have two days in a row with no obligations. The only thing I have to do is pick people up from the airport tomorrow. The airport is BWI, so this will be easier than the dropoff at National. There are two Taters battling over how to live this obligation free weekend.
Responsible Tater – I should really mow today before the rain starts tomorrow. On a normal day, I wouldn’t feel like I need to mow. The grass looks fine and I could probably wait several days before I did it. However, it is supposed to rain a lot this week so if I don’t mow it will be very tall and probably damp by the time I get a chance to mow again. I also really need to do some cleaning around the house before others get back tomorrow. I’ve got plenty of time today and tomorrow to get all of this done.
Tired Tater – Tired Tater has already opted to watch Happy Death Day 2 U before even considering doing any of the work that needs to be done. As stated above, without the forecast of rain I wouldn’t look at the yard and think I needed to mow. There’s no reason to mow. I can wait until next weekend after the rain is over. If anything, all the really needs to be done is a quick cleaning of the toilets and then the rest of the day can be spent relaxing. We can go to the street festival in the neighborhood and then I can take a nap this afternoon. I can spend my time tomorrow between church and the airport reading on the couch. Getting rest is more important than getting things done.
I think what will happen is a merge of the two Taters. I will finish the movie and clean bathrooms before my daughter wakes up. We will head down to the festival early afternoon and I will mow when we get back and then rest the rest of the day. Tomorrow I won’t do anything but go to church, read and go to the airport.
I’m looking forward to Vacation Tater in July when all I will do is sit by the pool at my brother’s house.
If you are a regular reader of this blog, I’m sorry, but also, you know that I wrote recently about some “not resolutions” for this year. One of those involved making a change in my day-to-day life. In this post, I will talk about why my first major decision of 2019 was to opt not to make a major change in my day to day life.
I have talked before about how I feel that God has spoken to me in various ways, sometimes with a song. Early this month I had a very strong feeling that I was being told that this is the year that everything changes. I’m going to think positive and assume that these would be positive changes and that this is not just wishful thinking on my part. Last week, I was in Florida with my family. Thursday, we took a day off from the parks and relaxed at the resort. Thursday morning, I went to the tennis courts with my son. Standing on the courts in my summer clothes in January with no stress in my life, I felt more at peace with life than I have in a long time. After tennis, we spent the rest of the day relaxing at the pool. It was during this time, that I received the call that interrupted the peace. It was a call from a place where I had interviewed before Christmas. It was a job offer. A very generous job offer.
At first glance, it seemed like this is what I wanted. It was a chance to make a change in my daily life. It was a chance to make a change in my daily life and make more money. It would definitely make this the year that everything changed. It was hard to focus on talking to the HR person about everything while on vacation so I asked if I could be back in touch after I returned. I had a few more days to decide if this is what I really wanted. I tried to focus more on enjoying my time with my family than dwelling on the offer, but it would sneak into my head whenever I had a chance to relax. Eventually, it would be decision time.
Ultimately, it came down to this question: Is the short-term gain of more money and removing myself from a bad situation more important than my long-term goal of retiring when I hit my 30 years(6 more years). Also in the long term thinking – is it worth resetting where I stand with vacation hours, probably doubling(or more) my commute and going to the one place in the state where I know no one? Eventually, I had to admit that blowing up my long term plan for a short term gain would not be smart and I opted to stay put for now. There are some opportunities for change coming that would not mess up my long term goals and would not result in major changes in location. If those don’t pan out, there are plenty of places I could go that would keep my long term goals intact. I just need to be patient and not make a rash decision.
I can get back to that feeling of peace sooner rather than later if I can be patient and wait for the right place to jump.