Sometimes My Brain is a Jerk

My dog woke me up at 5:30 this morning to go out. Normally, I would just stay up at this point, drink coffee and read the newspaper. Today, however, is my late day. I work 1-9 instead of 9-5 so I decided to go back to bed and try to get a little sleep. Unfortunately, my brain kept trying to dwell on work stress and it was a lot of work to try to get it to stop so I could go to sleep.

When I finally dozed, my brain took that opportunity to be a jerk again. In my light doze I dreamed that I was offered the promotion I interviewed for recently. You would think that would be a pleasant dream, but no. Dream brain decided to make me panic and think that I would be bad at the job. Awake, normal brain know that isn’t true. I wouldn’t go for the job if I didn’t think I would be good at the job. I would be great at the job and also the other promotion I will apply for this week. Early morning brain, however, told dream me that I would suck at both jobs. Sleep was not going to happen this morning.

I almost let dream brain give me a crisis of confidence. Maybe I keep getting turned down for promotions because MPOW realizes what I don’t, that I’m not good enough. Maybe I’m not even good at the job I have now. Maybe I should have just stayed in jail. Maybe that’s all I’m good at..if I was even good at that. Some of that feeling still lingers. My brain is a jerk.

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Snow Stress

I’ve been wishing all winter for a snow day. I’ve posted about how much I needed a snow day. Tomorrow the library will likely get a snow day. Problem is, I am scheduled to be on a 9:30am train to Philadelphia tomorrow. Figures that we would finally get a snow day when I am not going to work and when it might disrupt my travel.

I already deal with travel stress. I was spending way too much time debating over taking the Septa from the train station to the hotel or calling an Uber. I even considered walking, though the weather will make that less likely. Now I’m all stressed out over the possibility that the snow will cancel my train. I have no idea how much snow it takes to cancel Amtrak trains. Maybe it will just be a delay. It might be on time. Thing is, I don’t know and I can’t control it. It’s going to snow tonight and tomorrow. It’s going to snow over the entire route the train will take. This may or may not delay or cancel my train. I can’t change the weather. I can’t control the train schedules. It really does me no good to stress and worry about it. So, why can’t I stop stressing and worrying about it?

This is something I deal with quite a bit. Stress and anxiety over things I can’t control. I need to figure out how to stop this. Meditation? Medicine? I don’t know what it will take, but I know I would be much happier if I could just learn to stop this. There is no major commitment for me in Philly tomorrow, so if I’m hours late it won’t really matter. I would miss some stuff if I had to leave Thursday and that would suck, but it is not the end of the world. Why am I so stressed?