Anxiety Time

I mentioned last week that I had talked to a friend about becoming a substitute teacher at a local private school.

I procrastinated for a week and then finally worked on my resume and cover letter yesterday. I finished them and then waited hours before sending them. I told myself I was waiting for my daughter to go to class so I would have quiet alone time to do it, but I was really waiting to send it after hours so I had some time before anyone saw it.

Now. it is office hours and I have post-resume anxiety. Here are all of my anxieties.

1. Did I Mess Something Up – I labeled all of the files so I would be sure to send the right ones. I spell-checked, and I re-read. Still, part of me wonders if I missed a major mistake in the documents that will send them straight to the trash.

2. What If I Am Rejected Without an Interview – I have had a lifetime of job rejections. I really don’t want to go through that again. That was what I loved about the farm job. I went to talk to them and they were ready to hire me on the spot. Too bad that didn’t work out. I assume there is always a chance that, even with no mistakes, the school might decide I’m not right for the job before even talking to me.

3. The Possible Job Interview – I’m very, very bad at job interviews. I could interview every day for the rest of my life and still be very bad at it. The interview might be bad enough for me to be rejected. Again, I’ve had enough rejection in my life.

4. What If I Get the Job and I Hate It – I already did that recently. I don’t think I can do that again. I don’t want to be the guy who keeps quitting jobs.

5. What If I Get the Job and I Suck – Maybe I don’t hate the job, but I’m very bad at the job. I’ve never done it before. I don’t know if I would be a good sub. I could be terrible.

6. Do I Really Want This – I’m looking at going from a couple of mornings at the farm to the possibility of several full days a week at a school. It’s been over two years since I’ve done the all-day job thing. Is that something I can adjust back to?

7. Boundaries, Saying No, and Balance – I know as a sub I don’t have to say yes every time. I know there is probably some sort of guidelines for how many times you have to sub before they stop calling you. I need to be willing to say no if I need to and not let it stop me from short trips if I need them.

At this point. I just want to know somwthing so I can hit the proper anxiety spot.


14 thoughts on “Anxiety Time

  1. Your value is no less because others can’t recognise it. Use the feedback from those around you to develop and improve, if you want to do it why not just try. Every experience can be learned from and I am not sure failure is a thing …

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are not alone in any of these things. I always had anxiety about rejection with or without an interview. I did try working up to 3 8-hour days in a row, after not working at all for about a year or so, which didn’t work out. I couldn’t handle it. I’m okay with that, and you should be okay with the barn job not working out and substituting possibly not working out. I’ve told you before that I tried subbing. One day and I new it wasn’t my thing. Of course, I was maybe 20 years old, on “sabbatical” from college. I think I was right though. Teaching is not my thing. Anything that requires me to stand in front of a bunch of people and speak is fraught with anxiety. But I tried it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. At one point I decided to be a substitute teacher for our local school district. I couldn’t handle not knowing my schedule. They would call in the morning and give me an assignment for that day. Good luck. I think it’s worth trying and you’ll be assigned to one school only. If you get hired and don’t like it, quit with no regrets.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m glad that you’re trying! It sounds like you did everything you could to put yourself in a position to get an interview. Don’t beat yourself up. If it’s meant to be, it will be.


  5. I am dealing with it right now, I was hoping to finish this year as a sub but they are being manipulative and greedy, by this I mean they wouldn’t announce the daily rate before you sign the contract as well as not give you the schools that are actually pleasant. It’s the agency servicing a network of charter schools so as a teacher you should have a choice


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