Covid started my least favorite new Christmas tradition. My wife leaves for Kentucky at least a week before I do and I spend a week at home alone. My wife and daughter leave this morning and I am not scheduled to leave until a week from tomorrow.
Home alone is not all bad. It is kind of nice to have a few days alone. I can watch what I want when I want. I can eat what I want. I can do the things no one else ever wants to do. This year could be easier because everything is open and I have more options if I want to leave the house. There will be periods of enjoying the freedom.
But, it also comes with depression and anxiety.
I will have periods of intense loneliness and depression. I will be sad about being home alone with no friends to call. I will be sad that everyone is happy to leave me alone and head to Kentucky. These are the days I need the distraction of an activity out of the house.
I will have constant anxiety about the possibility that I will get stuck here alone at Christmas.
What if I get sick and can’t travel?
What if a snowstorm strands me here?
I will have anxiety about the 8 hour drive alone even though I’ve driven farther than that alone several times.
I do have three barn shifts still to go, They will at least get me out of the house, but there is still some anxiety attached there.
It’s only a week. I will survive.