Forever a Misfit

This has been in my head all week. I figure I need to write it so I can move past it. I could opt not to post it, but unless it is complete crap(more so than the usual crap I post) I likely will.

I realized recently that as much as I love volunteering at the farm I will never really fit in there. I will keep volunteering because I like it and I like the people there, but even if I had stayed on staff for 20 years I would be a misfit there. Everyone is very nice and they always at least pretend to be happy to see me, but I would have never been someone that would be their friend. I will never be someone in the “in the group” who hang out away from the farm. They are horse people. I am a random guy who shovels poop a few times a week.

This is not a new thing for me. I’ve been a misfit pretty much all of my life.

I had friends in high school and college, but all of my friends had people who were closer friends than I ever would be. Even with the high school people I still hear from regularly I’m still the little brother of one of their friends more than I am a friend friend.

I had friends at the market research firm in Ohio while I was at work. I was not a part of the group that would hang out outside of work.

I did have friends at the library who I did hang out with after work. I continued to hang out with them after I switched branches. That seems to have ended with Covid and my departure from the library world. I have slowly faded from the memory of the library world. Even when I was part of that group I always knew that I was the expendable one.

At my old church, I spent more time with teenagers than I did with people my own age. At my new church, I’ve never really felt like a part of a group.

I’m not blaming anyone but myself. I’m very quiet most of the time. I have self-esteem and anxiety issues. I’m probably hard to get to know. I probably seem odd and aloof.

My life on the island of misfit toys continues.


7 thoughts on “Forever a Misfit

  1. I’m like that too. I was friendly with people at school and work but I wasn’t the cool one to be invited to something outside of work and school. Maybe one friend or two friends from college but I haven’t seen them in 2 years

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Tater, I hope being able to express this in your blogging community does help you to move past it. I think you’d be surprised how many people feel this way (I, for one, have always felt an outsider) and I suspect many of us can be found here in the blogsphere.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I can relate to this Tater. I prefer to keep to myself vs befriending many people. I don’t even know how to befriend people since that’s not my style. I consider my blog-life friends closer to me than others I know in real-life. I’m your friend. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have Internet friends I’ve had longer than many real life friends. I probably communicate with blog friends more than in person.
      I was actually thinking about you today when I realized I never went back and commented on your post about Christmas gifts

      Liked by 1 person

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