The World's Common Tater

I mentioned in my TV post that I was feeling Monday morning anxiety for the first time in a while.

I’ve found that the stress and anxiety I had about the facilities job at the barn has carried over to my Monday mornings as facilities volunteer at the barn. A lot of that is because the Gator is broken again so I can’t do the jobs as easily as I can when it is working. Part of it, though, is my mind telling me that I was bad at the job and I will be bad as a volunteer. The job anxiety seeps into the volunteer time.

My barn shifts should be more anxiety-free, but I’ve found that you can’t ever completely escape the facilities work once you know how to do it. So, the anxiety creeps into my barn shifts as well.

Anxiety has also attached itself to this time of year in general. Two years ago, my wife and kids went to Kentucky early for Christmas and I met them later. I was stressed and depressed as it was mid-Covid, I had just left my job, and I was sure something would happen and I would get stuck at home alone for Christmas.

Last year, my wife also went to Kentucky early. My daughter was still at school and we still had the fear of Covid exposure that would prevent us from traveling.

My wife plans on going to Kentucky early again this year and my daughter will likely go with her. That means another year of me home alone leading up to the holidays. This year is different, though. Places are open. I could go do stuff if I wanted, Covid is still out there but is not the constant stressor it was the past two years.

Still, I am dreading the week and a half alone. I’m sure the voice in my head will fill me with thoughts of getting stuck home alone for the holiday.

These two together are messing with my head and causing me to have trouble sleeping if I wake up in the middle of the night.