When I decided to take the job at the farm my thought process was “I might as well give it a try. If it doesn’t work out I’m sure they will be OK with me going back to being unpaid”
When I talked to them about the job a part of me knew I wasn’t the right person for the job. I decided to give it a try anyway.
It didn’t take long for me to realize I was right and that the job wasn’t the right fit. I loved working in the barn. I loved working with the horses and the goats. I didn’t mind my Monday volunteer shift dragging arenas, watering horses, and pushing the manure back in the dumpster I was good at all of that.
What didn’t fit?
- I wasn’t really qualified for the job. I am not a handyman type and they need a handyman type. I can figure things out if I have to, but I was muddling through jobs and they need someone who can just do it.
- I didn’t enjoy the job. I’m not a handyman type. Turns out I didn’t enjoy trying to be one. I no longer enjoyed what had been my happy place.
- The lack of a real structure to my time stressed me out and increased my anxiety. I technically had a schedule, but I found out quickly that you don’t necessarily leave when scheduled. My three-hour shift one day turned into an eight-hour shift due to broken fences.
- I didn’t like not feeling like I was good at my job. That sucks.
- I felt like I was doing the farm a disservice if I kept the job. They need someone who is qualified. Not someone faking it until they make it.
- Keeping the job was not good for my mental health. My anxiety was through the roof. I had trouble sleeping. I never felt relaxed. It was bad.
- I’m more valuable to them as a volunteer. I’m a good barn volunteer. I’m a good barn lead. The job was going to eventually replace the things I was good at with things I’m not good at. That doesn’t work for anyone.
So, I told them today that I didn’t feel like I was the right person for the job and that I wanted to go back to only volunteering They accepted that, and effective immediately I am once again a volunteer only.
I still feel like I want to find some sort of part-time job that suits me, I just need to figure out what that is. Maybe I will finally apply to be a substitute teacher.