Seasonal Friends

The above is from I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy. iCarly was wrapping and she was afraid that her friendship with Miranda would turn out to be just a show friendship that would fade when they no longer worked together.

It got me thinking about friendships again and how pretty much all of mine have been seasonal.

My high school friends mostly faded away after graduation. Some became college friends as well.

My college friends faded away after I moved out of town.

My Cincinnati friends faded away after I moved to Maryland.

My church friends faded away when I changed churches.

My library friends faded away when I left the library.

I’m not saying they aren’t still friends. Many of them are still people I know I could count on if I needed them. I just don’t see or talk to them anymore.

I envy the people who have lifelong friends who they still see and spend time with regularly.

I envy the people who know how to maintain friendships after a move or a job change.

I’m bad about being the one to make contact because the low self-esteem/anxiety voice in my head tells me that no one wants to hear from me. It’s easy to listen to the voice and believe that people are happier without me. It’s easy to just have acquaintances who I see situationally with no expectations that they will think about me at all once I walk out the door.

Covid isolation made this easier and I have continued my social isolation now that things are normal.

I go to the barn and chat with people there, but I make no effort to make real friends there.

Same with my community book club. I see them once a month and never outside of that time.

I have a lifetime of seasonal friends where others have lifelong friends.


13 thoughts on “Seasonal Friends

  1. I’ve definitely felt this too, and I’ve definitely been quick to blame myself for being the problem. But the truth is, maintaining friendships takes work, and people are rarely ready to put in that work because they’re not used to doing so. Yourself included, probably. Consider reaching out to someone from your past and setting up a time to grab dinner and catch up (if they’re close enough). Sometimes you just have to make that first move. And if nothing comes from it, you can know you at least tried.

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  2. I am thrilled with my small group of friends. Occasionally I wished I’d kept better contact with city friends, but really, I’m very happy with the friends I have…they’re all true friends. I don’t know how many acquaintances I really need

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  3. I have a few friends from my school days (many from 1st grade through graduation from high school), a few friends from my first job after finally finishing college, several from the Chris Moore board with whom I feel close, and several from my needlework groups. People have come and gone from all of those groups over the years. I have made no real effort to get to know anyone out here in the countryside, in the Shenandoah valley, primarily because I’m not part of any group. I’m okay with that. Every time I move, I do lose track of some people. I have come to terms with that. Sometimes I’m the one who made no effort to maintain contact. Sometimes it’s the other person. Since I closed my retail store and gave up on finding a partner for the rest of my days, I’ve been much happier by myself. Of course, I always have my sisters, one of whom I live with (separate house but connected to hers). I think life is a series of endings when it comes to people. Of course it remains to be seen how I’ll adapt when I move across the country to live nearer my daughter, where I know a very few people not connected to her.

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  4. A long time ago I used to think it was “on me” because friendships would fizzle out. But from speaking to members of my family, I know they have had the same thought about themselves…but growing apart as people get older is perfectly normal. People just drift apart whether they move apart or not. I have a very small circle of long-term friends, and from where I sit, it doesn’t sound unusual at all. I think like some other comments made, people we often categorize as friends really are just “passing through.”

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  5. I had a lifelong friendship that lasted almost 40 years, but once he dove really deep into being a 7th Day Adventist…it all changed drastically. I couldn’t even have an everyday conversation unless it revolved around the church.

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  6. Tater, as someone who’s family relocated for work every 2-3 years, I learned how to do very close acquaintances well, but didn’t develop the art of maintaining friendship long-term. It’s one of the reasons I always felt like an outsider, that lack of lifelong friends. Friendship does take work and having doubts about your self-worth means you won’t reach out to keep those bonds going. I understand, it’s tough. I’m in a lethargic mood too, you could be right about the change in the weather/season, even though this is usually my favourite time of year. I’m reminding myself that this too shall pass and trying to keep up with the #selfcare stuff, which I know helps.

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