I wrote not too long ago about how I struggle to not get caught up in stats here and on Medium.
This morning I read a post on Deb’s Dispatches asing if having a blog is attention seeking.
My therapist asks me about my writing each week and we talk about how writing makes me feel.
So, today I investigate the why of my writing.
Why Did I Start My Blog in the First Place?
I started this blog a long, long time ago in a jail not that far away. I worked completely alone four days a week. I started looking for ways to feel less alone. That’s when I joined Facebook, Twitter, and the now dead FriendFeed. I was on an email list called The Book Barn back when those were a thing. I started the blog as part of all of that. At the time, I thought I would use it to write about library stuff, but soon realized I worked for assholes who would probably fire me if they disagreed with what I wrote. So, I started the writing to feel less alone.
Am I In It For The Money?
I will admit that when I started writing on a more regular basis that I hoped I would figure out how to make money from it. I quickly realized that I would not. Now I hope to make enough on Medium each month to make back my $5 membership fee. If I could figure out how to make money doing this I would definitely do it.
Am I In It For The Attention?
Maybe a little bit. It makes me happy when I look at my stats and see so many people reading my dumb little blog. It makes me happy to see people from various countries reading it. I like when I post it on social media and people there comment on it. I want a post to go viral. It’s the reason I wish I could be good at other things like Tik Tik and podcasts. There is a part of me that wants a little bit of fame.
I once posted on Facebook that I didn’t care about people liking my posts, but that was a lie. I think anyone who is on social media, has a blog, has a podcast, etc. who says they don’t care about stats and attention is either lying to themselves or the world. There has to be a little part of you that wants the views, the likes, the listens to even bother doing this in the first place.
But How Does It Make Me Feel?
It varies For the most part, I love writing. I like the hours I spend in the morning writing my TV post and then whatever random post I do after that. I like writing in response to the book prompts on Medium. If I could keep myself from getting stressed about it I would probably enjoy making another attempt at a book about my time in jail.
Some days, though, it sucks. Some days I can’t find the words. Some days I want to write something, but I can’t get it right and I delete multiple attempts at a post. Some days I post something here or on Medium and no one reads it and I get sad or frustrated and consider giving up.
Some days I like what I write, Some days I hate it. Some days the writing I hate gets tons of views and the writing I like is ignored.
Are You Ever Going To Answer The Question In The Title?
So, why do I do it?
Because even on the days when I delete multiple posts and want to give up I feel the need to write something.
Because even though I generally feel like my writing sucks, it is still something that I enjoy.
Because I get more joy from this than I ever got from my crappy job.
Because it makes me feel good when I look at my stats and see people are reading what I write.
Because I enjoy the interaction I get here on the blog.
Why do you write?