One year ago today I posted a short note for readers to “stay tuned” for news. I was turning in my letter of resignation that morning. I was quitting my job after 25 years with the organization. The toxic work environment was killing me. I couldn’t stick it out for five more years to retire. I was done. Occasionally, I think that maybe I made a mistake leaving, but then I talk to people who still work there and am reminded why I left.
In the year I have
attempted to write a book about my time working in jail and failed.
took a second stab at it and realized I am not interesting enough to be the subject of a book.
had a poem I wrote published on Spilwords.
written a blog post most days.
hit 1000 followers on the blog.
almost doubled my daily views.
started posting on Medium and am making some pocket change money from that.
delivered food weekly to families for my church as part of the backpack buddies program.
delivered backpacks of food to a local elementary school for the same program now that schools are open again.
taken daily walks
cleaned the house when needed
yard work when needed
Still, I get the impression people look at me as a failure. As lazy. I’m wasting my life away. I guess if none of the above comes with a paycheck, it is not worthwhile.
People I see tend to ask me what I am doing instead of how I am.
I am defined by what I do and what most people think I do is nothing, therefore, I am nothing.
I have run afoul of society’s obsession with busyness and productivity porn.
I’m writing every day. People are reading what I write. But, what do I do? What do I have to show for it to seem successful in the eyes of the world? For them, the answer is nothing.
Where to go from here? I have no idea.