I recently read Your Second Act by Patricia Heaton. I didn’t really relate to any of the stories included in the book of other people’s second act, but there were some good, general suggestions. Volunteer so you get an idea of what you might enjoy doing. Take aptitude and personality tests. Take classes. All good suggestion and some that I have done. The one that I think I really need to work on is to let go of my first act.
I didn’t take appropriate notes to remember exactly what the book said and I returned it to the library already, but I did find this quote from her online
“I couldn’t let go of those things that were sitting on the sideline of my heart, I had to bring them to pass,” she writes. “And that is what a second act is all about.”
I have not let go of the anger and bitterness about the end of my first act as a librarian. I am angry and bitter about the lack of respect I got from the leadership at the library. I’m angry and bitter about the multitude of rejections I got when I tried to move forward in my career. I’m angry and bitter about the lack of concern they had about a toxic work environment. I’m angry and bitter that the toxic work environment is still thriving and they still do nothing. I’m angry and bitter that toxic people are still in leadership positions and probably will be until they retire while I am now unemployed. I’m angry and bitter that the library constantly posts on social media making them look like they are all about civility while they let toxic people destroy people’s mental health. I need to let all of that go to move forward appropriately. The question is how? Here are some thoughts.
- Unfollow the library on social media – this is an easy one and I don’t know why I haven’t already done so. I don’t plan to attend any events and I can do all other library business as a customer without seeing them on Facebook.
- Unfollow librarians in general – I need to break up with the entire industry. Obviously, I won’t unfollow my actual friends in the library world, but I can unfollow random librarians, libraries and professional associations. I don’t need a daily reminder that my career is over.
- Change my personal library location – I’ve done this for the most part. I generally get my books from the library where I live now instead of where I worked. Occasionally, though, I do need to get books and movies from my former place of work, I can change my pickup location and go to a different branch so I don’t deal with the toxic person ever again.
- Forgiveness – I need to stop being angry at the people who did not care about my issues. I need to forgive and let go. They need to stop taking up space in my head and that is on me.
- Stop looking at other library jobs – I can’t move on from my past life if a part of me still thinks I should go back because it is the easy thing to do.
- Start doing more of the other things mentioned. Take a class, volunteer, do other things that will take my mind off the anger.
I’m sure there are other things I could do This is what comes to mind right now. I do need to let go of the past before I can move forward.
The World's Common Tater 
You are right about the need to let go, but I know it is hard to do. Good luck!
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Thanks!
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This is a very thoughtful post which I can relate to. From my experience, the more time that passes, especially if you explore doing new and different things and interact with new people, the better you start feeling. Those negative emotions you feel about your past workplace/career soften over time-I promise. You just gotta move forward!
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Thanks! I’m still only 6 months out. I’m sure more time will help.
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I think forgiveness is essential. Plus all the other stuff you mentioned.
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Yeah, but it is really hard to forgive people who have no remorse.
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I know. My husband loaned money to a “friend” who never repaid him. He was bitter for years and it affected my husband’s outlook and attitude. One day sitting in church, he forgave his friend. My husband moved on and was a happier person after that.
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In my head, forgiveness isn’t a “one and done”. I have never been able to just forgive and move on. For me, forgiveness is a multitude of small steps taken every day. Thoughts and feelings don’t listen to to the logical aspect of my brain (dang them!!!). So when those pesky reminders rear their ugly heads in my mind, I have to take a moment to once again “let it go”. It does get easier and more automatic with time. It helps that I am very possessive of the real estate in my head…I guard it jealously and don’t willingly let anyone live there rent free that I haven’t invited. I don’t seem to be able to control the unexpected, unwanted drop in visits but I am much better at kicking them out quickly.
Hang in there, I know you are not a hugger, but am sending you a virtual one anyway.
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Thanks. Part of keeping them out of my head is to take the other steps of breaking ties like not using that branch for my books and not seeing their social media. I can’t forgive and let go if I see reminders daily.
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Exactly…removing physical reminders helps a lot!
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Excellent steps to move forward!!
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I think you know what to do. The steps you listed make a lot of sense, especially disconnecting with the social media connections that you don’t need. It’s hard to overcome the anger and bitterness. I am having a hard time getting over that with regard to a volunteer job that I’ve been away from for several years now. I’m toying with severing all ties with the organization, i.e., all social media connections. You make a good case for doing that.
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