The Urge to Give Up

As I mentioned in a post last week, I started to hit lows in my mood midweek. The lows continued as the week went on, Any high I got from my volunteer work Thursday morning was wiped out by frustration during a situation Thursday afternoon. My lows in regards to my writing increased when the views on my blog hit lows at the end of the week. The high of knowing that another family member was able to get the vaccine was accompanied by the low of knowing it will likely be a few months before I get mine. It will be a challenge to resist the urge to just shit down for a while.

The thought of taking a blog hiatus did cross my mind late last week. I try to continue to write for myself and not obsess over stats, but there is always that part of me that thinks “Why bother writing anything if no one is going to read it?” It’s easy to consider giving up when you think about the fact that you are boring and even more boring now that you don’t really leave the house. It’s hard to be a blogger when you are boring. It would be easy to just shut this down for a while. Would it really matter if The World’s Common Tater just disappeared? I think not.

The same give up urge is at work with any other writing as well. No one is ever going to read what I’m writing, so why am I wasting my time writing it? What’s the point? As much as I would love to think I could write my way into never needing to get a job out of the house again, I know that isn’t going to happen. I might as well give up and find a job. Any job. As quick as possible Not the right job. Just a job. At least then I wouldn’t feel like a failure. A paycheck would make me a useful person again. The right job might even fix that pesky vaccine issue.

Today I am going to take a break from what I’ve been doing. I’m going to get breakfast. I’m going to do dishes. I’m going to clean the bathrooms. I’m going to take the dog for a walk. I’m going to read. We will see where I’m at tomorrow.

The urge to give up is strong. It’s hard to “do something for yourself” when you have been conditioned your entire life that you don’t matter. If I don’t matter and what I’m doing is for me, then what I’m doing doesn’t matter. At least a toxic job resulted in a paycheck. What’s the point now?

29 thoughts on “The Urge to Give Up

  1. For what it’s worth, I read almost all your blogs. I am sure I have missed a few but whenever I get notification that you have posted something, I read it right away, or come back and read it later. You have a dedicated reader here.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I took a long break from writing during the most recent lock down here in Germany. We went on lock down back in November. Today we were able to open up our tattoo shop again. I decided to write a short blog post.
    I have no idea if anyone will read it, and it doesn’t really matter. It felt good to take a break, and it felt good to write again. I too will wash the dishes, and clean the bathroom. Each day as it comes.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I vote no on giving up in any way shape or form. I read. I applaud. So just keep ’em coming.
    Just because something is ‘normal’, doesn’t make it boring. You can make anything exciting. Have at it!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hang in there…I hope you continue blogging, but completely understand if you don’t. Also, I have never considered you boring. You make me laugh and think on a regular basis. That, sir, is the opposite of boring.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Please don’t stop completely. I am one of those who don’t find you boring and do look forward to your posts. Try writing every other day or three times a week. On the days you don’t post, you could just make notes of things you want to write about so that even though you’re not posting, you’re still writing in some fashion. I would definitely miss hearing from the World’s Common Tater.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Sigh brother, I enjoy reading your blog. I would miss it like the countless other blogs that I invest my time in that have left the blogosphere for whatever reason. But you gotta do what makes sense. I’ve tried over the years to make a living off my art, to get my foot in serious cash flow, but it never happens. So now I just create for the sake of it, because it brings me joy. I like having an international audience. Freelance is tough work, going into business for yourself is tough work…You have to make a lot of sacrifices. Good luck tater in whatever you decide.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. I don’t think the blog will ever go away completely. At the very least I would probably keep up my weekly review on Friday, my what’s good on Sunday and my month in books. I just need to get back to where I’m writing because I want to and not because it’s what I do until I get a real job

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Aw, you matter very much.

    I emphathize with how you’re feeling down about yourself. I go through the same and it feels so defeating. I get it. Just don’t make any irreversible decisions when you’re feeling this way. Bc you may feel differently once it passes. Hang in there!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I think your blog posts are so relatable. I stopped blogging 2 years ago, almost to the day — not a conscious decision at first, life just happened. The best writing I do now (not counting freelance work) is more personal and I have a hard time sharing it because of the friends & family who follow my blog — they tend to take what I write too seriously or too personally…. Anyway, I do still read a few, and yours is one of them. 🙂 I hope you take a little break and come back feeling focused and refreshed!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I could relate to your post because similar issues I am facing in my academics. My recent post is of that only. I felt better that I’m not alone in this and people have the urge to fight with this tendency too..

    Liked by 1 person

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