On the Roller Coaster

I feel like I started the week out on a high. Most of my therapy session Monday was focused on my successes from the week.

I submitted work to a place that was not my own blog. I expect nothing from it, but it was a step.

I started my volunteer doing weekly deliveries for a church program.

I’m doing yoga in the mornings.

I worked up the courage to record my own voice on the new blog to podcast thing.

The rain is gone. It’s nice and sunny this morning. It will be relatively warm this afternoon. I will be able to sit on the porch to read. I can take the dog for a walk in just a sweatshirt(and pants). There’s good news on the vaccine front(though left to my governor and county exec I will still be lucky to be vaccinated by Christmas).

So much good. Nothing bad of note has happened. Yet, I woke up this morning in a funk. I should be used to this. The reason I started therapy is my anxiety and depression. Sometimes I can pinpoint the cause. Sometimes it’s just there. Some of the possible reasons for the down mood?

The high of the recording the first bit for the podcast turns into the low of struggling with recording yesterday and the low quality of the finished work. You can listen below. As a “helpful” commenter pointed out after my first one, speaking isn’t for everyone. Thing is, though, I have emceed work training events in front of hundreds of people. I’ve presented at conferences. I know speaking is something I can do. Recording is the issue. Also, the lack of an audience. I will give it a few more tries and then decide if I continue.

The high of the writing submission turns into the low of being stuck when it comes to the book. Another spot where I start thinking maybe it’s not something I can actually do. I will never make money from writing so why keep pretending?

The high of the vaccine news and seeing posts from friends who are getting the vaccine turns into the low of knowing that so many people I know will be vaccinated and I will still ne sitting at home waiting months for my turn.

I should have expected this. I think the fact that I got teary watching the series finale of Greek(a show I had watched before) should have given me a hint that my emotional state was fragile.

It will be easy for me to sit and dwell on the lows and get even lower today. I will do my best to not dwell. Maybe today is a day to go get the free drink I’ve earned at Dunkn or use my Starbucks gift card from Christmas.

And now the link to where you can experience my dreadful recording from yesterday.


16 thoughts on “On the Roller Coaster

  1. I hear you. The sun is shining, I got good news about my dad’s health yesterday, I am sitting here ready to go to work, yet mentally I am in a funk as well. I have to force myself to get up from the couch.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. I still hate listening to my own voice. I don’t think I will do it every day but I will try to do it consistently. I do like the idea of talking out my ideas in addition to writing. I just need to remember I’m doing it for me,

      Liked by 2 people

      1. That’s all it is…you’re doing it for you. FYI…hate my voice. And you had to see the prep for yesterday’s podcast. I was literally cutting and pasting things . I have to work on my off the cuff game. And find other words for interesting because I think I said that about 90 times in ten minutes

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Someone told me the other day I sound like they’re talking to their friend on the phone. I’m trying to think of it like that. If I was orating to a friend, what would I do?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Although I love when people read my blogs and comment, I do write them for me. And the fact that I write my blogs for myself and no one else takes the pressure off. I look forward to writing. I know I will not enjoy it as much if I had to write for work or someone else.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. 😦 sorry dude I wasn’t trying to be a jerk in making my suggestions, i was just trying to say slow your pace a bit. Your voice is clear, I wasn’t trying to judge. I feel bad that you took it that way.

    Liked by 1 person

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