During my time at home in the spring I had some questions as I looked forward to whatever the future brings. Let’s see what answers I have.
Can I really spend more than a few more months working somewhere that steals my joy?
The answer mentally and emotionally is no. Unfortunately, I really don’t have a choice. Now is not a great time to consider changing jobs/careers. I’m stuck.
Can I figure out a way to take a sabbatical and figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life?
Technically, the answer is yes. Realistically, the answer is no. I can’t do this without buy in from others and others aren’t buying it. Early retirement does not appear to be considered a valid life plan. Quitting and figuring things out for a few months before moving on is also not seen as a valid life plan. Again, I am stuck.
Are the people I spend my time with the people I should be spending my time with?
Undetermined. It seems it will be a long time before I spend time with anyone not in my immediate family. Maybe it is better this way.
Who am I finding I miss seeing and who are the ones I’ve figured out I don’t miss at all?
Mainly, at this point I only miss my kids and my family in Kentucky. I was pretty solitary before this. I’m solitary now. Hard to miss what you never had.
Am I living a life that makes a difference?
No. That is one thing that would change if I could take a sabbatical. Even though some think I would “sit around and do nothing” what I would do is volunteer to help in the community where needed. There are plenty of places that could use my help these days.
Would I be happy coming out of this the same me I was when it started?
No. I have gone as far as looking up therapists covered by my insurance. I just can’t bring myself to make the call. If I can’t change my circumstances I can at least work on coping with them.
What things in my life am I finding I don’t miss?
Rush hour traffic. Some social obligations.
What things do I miss more than I expected?
The little things. Coffee out while reading my book and people watching. Going to football games. The possibility of going to a live concert. Travel, even domestic. The feeling of normal.
So, no real answers. Same old same old.