During my time at home in the spring I had some questions as I looked forward to whatever the future brings. Let’s see what answers I have.
Can I really spend more than a few more months working somewhere that steals my joy?
The answer mentally and emotionally is no. Unfortunately, I really don’t have a choice. Now is not a great time to consider changing jobs/careers. I’m stuck.
Can I figure out a way to take a sabbatical and figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life?
Technically, the answer is yes. Realistically, the answer is no. I can’t do this without buy in from others and others aren’t buying it. Early retirement does not appear to be considered a valid life plan. Quitting and figuring things out for a few months before moving on is also not seen as a valid life plan. Again, I am stuck.
Are the people I spend my time with the people I should be spending my time with?
Undetermined. It seems it will be a long time before I spend time with anyone not in my immediate family. Maybe it is better this way.
Who am I finding I miss seeing and who are the ones I’ve figured out I don’t miss at all?
Mainly, at this point I only miss my kids and my family in Kentucky. I was pretty solitary before this. I’m solitary now. Hard to miss what you never had.
Am I living a life that makes a difference?
No. That is one thing that would change if I could take a sabbatical. Even though some think I would “sit around and do nothing” what I would do is volunteer to help in the community where needed. There are plenty of places that could use my help these days.
Would I be happy coming out of this the same me I was when it started?
No. I have gone as far as looking up therapists covered by my insurance. I just can’t bring myself to make the call. If I can’t change my circumstances I can at least work on coping with them.
What things in my life am I finding I don’t miss?
Rush hour traffic. Some social obligations.
What things do I miss more than I expected?
The little things. Coffee out while reading my book and people watching. Going to football games. The possibility of going to a live concert. Travel, even domestic. The feeling of normal.
So, no real answers. Same old same old.
The World's Common Tater 
As someone who has spent A LOT of time in therapy, I highly recommend it. Keep in mind if/when you make the call that THEY work for YOU, not the other way around. Also, you may not “click” with the first person you see…that is ok, just chose another and move on. I always gave my therapists five visits to determine if the relationship was going to be productive. It took three tries to find the person who could help me. I had a list of needs when I went in that were a must for me: 1) no chemical peace of mind…not interested in masking the problem, I wanted to fix it. 2) I didn’t want platitudes and kid gloves…I wanted someone who wouldn’t be afraid of telling me things I really didn’t want to hear, who would/could deliver a metaphorical “swift kick in the rear” if that is what was warranted. 3) I wanted someone who would listen and not make snap judgements before they knew the background necessary to make a call on a situation. And 4) I wanted someone who’s goal was the same as mine…to eventually not need therapy. When I started therapy, I didn’t think those conditions were too much to ask but, as I said, it took three tries to find Marcee. Once I found her, it was like a light went on and I started making progress. So hang in there.
I know you are not a “hugger” but I am sending you a virtual hug anyway.
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Thanks. Those are good things to keep in mind.
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I know how you feel about being “stuck” with your job. I’m in the same boat. It’s sucking the life out of me but I can’t afford not to work there. Just keep hanging on. I hope you find a way out soon…
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Thanks. I hope you situation improves as well
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