We watched Hamilton this weekend. Today the lyrics ” who lives, who dies, who tells your story” are stuck in my head and it reminded me of this post. I’m still stuck on the same page I was when I wrote this and the story is getting old. I have lived these past three years with regrets instead of living my life the way I said I would. I don’t make the big move for various reasons. Fear, fear of letting others down, letting others push me to stay on the same page. It’s time to do what I said below and turn the page. I can’t even be a humorous cautionary tale if the story stalls.
This past weekend I went to the ROCK Conference in Ocean City with the youth group from my church. One of the bands that played the conference was Sidewalk Prophets. One of their songs, Prodigal, had some lyrics that really struck me.
Wherever you are, whatever you did
It’s a page in your book, but it isn’t the end
I have always had a problem with dwelling on my past mistakes too much. Sometimes this can lead to a fear of moving forward because you are afraid of making the same mistake again. It can also lead to self-esteem issues and a belief that you aren’t good enough because you have made mistakes in the past. I’ve gotten better about this recently, but I still occasionally let past mistakes creep back into my mind. I joke a lot about how great I am, and sometimes I actually believe it, but deep down I’m always afraid I’m not quite good enough. I need to forget the old stuff and focus on making sure the end of my book(I hope there are many more pages) is a good one.
I’ve been thinking a lot already this year about living life with no regrets.
I think these lyrics fit right in with that philosophy. Where I am now does not have to be the end of my book. I need to keep myself open to new experiences and new opportunities. This might mean a change soon. It might mean a new direction when I retire(less than 9 years away). So, I’m going to keep writing my book hoping it will be a book that is an inspiration to others or, perhaps, a comedic cautionary tale.
dad, librarian, UK fan, Ravens fan, future hermit