I’m now over two months at home. I wrote last week about hitting the wall. I’m still there. I’m very sad this morning and the thought of being productive makes it worse. I am trying the whole “be kind to yourself” thing but that’s not normal for me. Instead of writing more about that I will write about what has been my comfort during all of this.
- Watching old Survivor episodes with my daughter – While she was still in school she would stay in the office for class and studying while I was in the family room working. As soon as we were done, she would pick a season of Survivor and we would work our way through it. Yesterday was her first day of no school and our first day when we did not watch Survivor. I missed it.
- Game shows – I need sound when I am working. I can’t work in silence. I have the TV on in the background. I learned pretty early on that it couldn’t be the news. I now have Let’s Make a Deal and The Price is Right on in the background when I am working in the morning I generally then turn it over to ESPN. I don’t really pay attention to the shows, but they have been better than stressful news.
- Watching Tiger King with my son – I haven’t really talked about it, but my son got really sick around Easter. None of the symptoms matched Covid so the doctor didn’t test him, but it was very stressful. He came home and lived with us until he recuperated. I kept my vacation day I had already requested before all of this happened and watched TV with him for four days. We watched Tiger King together and some episodes of Community. It was a stressful time, but having him home and no work made me feel better.
- Weekends and days off – I took Friday off last week because I couldn’t stomach the thought of working while I was as depressed as I was. It was really nice to have a day to do a little bit of housework and then watch TV all weekend. My weekend days still fly past while my work at home days drag. I didn’t think weekends would make a difference, but they really do. I needed a change in career before work from home and I need it more now. Work from home does not make it better. I just feel stuck because there aren’t a lot of places outside of “essential services” hiring right now. Weekends are better because I can try to forget how miserable my work days are.
- Play Life with the family – Life is my kids’ favorite board game. We play it together every weekend. We still have a lot of fun every time we play.
- Walks – I walk the dog most days. I should do it more than once a day. Being outside with my music in my headphones is a good thing. It’s why I also enjoy yardwork days.
And now I sign off and muddle my way through another day of work. Sigh.