I’m My Own Worst Enemy

This is true in a variety of ways. One of the current ways is the fact that I am very close to hitting 1000 views on my blog this month and I suddenly have no desire to write anything. I’ve never hit 1000 view in a month. All I need to do is average 14 views a day for the rest of the month and I’m there. This is not one of those blogs that gets 14 views in a day with no new post. I’m never going to be that blog that gets random visitors. There is no good reason for anyone to ever click on my blog, especially when there is no new post. When I got close to my milestone my mind went blank and I had no idea what to write. I think my brain is rebelling against my small success.

I’m my own worst enemy in a variety of other ways. I’ve mentioned before how I pretend like I think everyone likes me, but deep down I’ve convinced myself that even the people I think are my friends don’t like me. I’m just a random cranky old fat man. Why would anyone want to be my friend?

When I’m looking at job openings I convince myself that I’m not qualified for many of the jobs and deep down I’m afraid to leave because I’m afraid I would fail.

I talk about jumping and finding what I’m meant to do, but I’m afraid of that first step.

I never attempt to write more than a stream of consciousness post I can write in 15-20 minutes because I’m don’t think I’m good enough to write something “real”.

I’m my own worst enemy by never thinking I’m good enough.

I’m not sure how I can change that.

7 thoughts on “I’m My Own Worst Enemy

  1. I’m a mostly virtual but sometimes IRL friend who actually likes you. Get out of your head, which likes to undermine you, and just do one thing you think you can’t. I have to do that too because I frequently enter a paralyzed state when I have things I both want and need to do and I start thinking they’re beyond my capabilities. Seriously. I’ve got a couple or three things right now that are doing this to me. It’s not real!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reblogged this on The World's Common Tater and commented:

    A lot of this still holds true today. I still won’t make the effort to write someone substantial because I’m afraid I can’t. I desperately need to change my work, but I find a reason not to apply for many jobs(a lot is still thinking I’m not good enough), I seriously think I need an entire career change but I’m afraid to even talk about it with the people with whom I need to talk about it. If I keep it up I will be sitting in the same place 5 years from now still unhappy.


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