I have posted before about what I call Sudden Onset Melancholy. It comes and goes. Sometimes I know what brought it on. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes it goes away quickly. Sometimes it lingers. I am in a bit of a prolonged state at the moment. I think yesterday was the worst day so far.
I was already a little bummed about not going home to Kentucky this summer. Part of me still wishes I had a refundable plane ticket so I could skip India and drive to Kentucky instead. While thinking about home recently, the memory of my mom Facetiming with my kids(the last time they would every talk to her) popped in my head. I went from general melancholy to real sadness.
I have seen my son a lot more over the last few weeks than I have in a while. He still lives away from home, but he went on our trip with us last month, so I saw him every day for two weeks. He’s been home a few times since then for dinner. It’s been nice spending more time with him lately. Now, we look toward heading off on a family trip to India without him. He will be heading off for a work trip to Virginia the same week. I’m sad that he is not coming with us and, as always, anxious about the actual trip. It has not helped my mood.
I also have what I will call the summer time blues. That part of the summer when all I really want is to be able to be home, sitting on my deck reading a book. Or, at my brother’s house by the pool. Anywhere but in an office. Summer is when my “I really want to retire” mood hits an all time high. I miss the time of lazy summer days. Now summer is just a stressful time at work trying to staff the library when staff is on vacation.
My trip anxiety will obviously end at the very least when we return, but then I will be looking toward the next big event that will make me sad: my daughter moving away to college. Maybe I will be better mid-autumn.