Judge Not

Hello! Welcome to the Month of Tater Day 6. Are you sick of me yet? I bet you are sick of me. Oh well, here is my latest post:

Recently, a 17 year old girl was hit by a car. Unfortunately, she has since died and the driver of the car has yet to be found. When it first happened, I did the thing you should never do – I read the comments. It happened not to far from my house, so I looked at the comments to try to determine if we knew the girl who was hit(we didn’t). The comments did have a lot of the normal human being type comments of “so sorry” and “our prayers are with the family” but there were just as many “why was she out at a party that late at night?” “where were her parents?” “I know where MY kids are at that time of night” type comments. Basically, they were implying or saying outright that if she had been a “good girl” like their kid or if the parents had been “good parents” like them that this would not have happened.  If that is all you have to say when a 17 year old girl is fighting for her life you should really just shut up and stay away from the internet. You aren’t helping anyone and you are mouthing off without knowing anything about the girl and her parents. Unfortunately, this happens all the time.

An email goes out to my neighborhood that teens were robbed while walking down the street at 10pm and the response is “Why were they out alone at 10pm?” I would never let my teens out alone after dark!”

I was on a jury and the first thing someone said when the case was turned over to us was “Why was he even out at that time of night?”

Women are raped and people want to blame them because their clothes weren’t “appropriate” so they were “asking for it” Same happens with cases of sexual harassment.

It has become more and more common to blame the victim or judge others when bad things happen. Can we just stop?

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8 Comments

  1. I know exactly what you mean. You have to wonder what’s wrong with people who feel the need to be nasty about someone else’s tragedy. I really try hard not to read the comments these days, unless I want to see if the expected trolls are out roaming the Internet for things to feed on. As if I’m hoping maybe, just maybe they’re off somewhere else, gnawing at some other bone,

  2. Looking at it as a retired therapist, I think I can explain.
    Blaming the victim is wrong, but it’s also natural human psychology we have to examine to overcome.
    The instinctive need to feel safe leads people to search for ways to tell themselves, “That awful thing wouldn’t happen to me,” by coming up with ways the victim brought it upon himself/herself by doing things that person wouldn’t have done. It’s hard to acknowledge that we’re vulnerable to random accidents and human predators.
    It’s the same reason pilots so often leap to blaming crashes on pilot error even when it was actually some unpredictable mechanical malfunction, freak weather, bird strikes, etc.
    That need to deny our powerlessness in the face of forces outside our control is also what leads us to blame ourselves when awful things do happen to us or those we care about, and that’s often one of the core elements of PTSD.

  3. It is annoying to say the least, but at times, I feel that some of these comments are just to sound different – you know, being all ‘ I’m sorry for you BUT you brought it upon yourself’. And even if the ‘different’ thoughts deserves some merit (it mostly doesn’t), it is so wrongly placed. Imagine someone who is already devastated at their loss being told , well hard luck, but your fault.

    What do you do but ignore the fools. Unfortunate.

  4. When my sister died – quite suddenly – so many clods came out with the most inept words of acknowledgment to me: “Well. She was so heavy.”

    THNX TO JRFINLEY, above. Sounds quite likely. I took extra offense at what was a continuation of a life long campaign to pressure shame & threaten her, to be a more socially acceptable weight. Shella

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