The World's Common Tater

I’ve decided it’s time for me to take a stand on the whole kneeling issue in the NFL. It’s time for these players to stand up and act like real American football players. These guys have lost their way and are too distracted by political motivations to focus and act like the real American football players they are. They spend too much time listening to the FAKE NEWS MEDIA and not enough time acting like real American football players. I’m here to help them out. Below is a list of how real American football players should act with a guarantee that no owner will threaten to fire you(as long as you are productive):

Beat your wives and girlfriends.

Use illegal substances, both recreational and performance enhancing.

Drive under the influence.

Use racial slurs.

Get injured by a stripper on a party bus(Hi, Jacoby Jones!)

If possible, do all of the above in the same weekend. It’s just boys being boys. It’s just locker room stuff. You will have nothing to worry about(as long as you are productive). Just be sure not to kneel. Stand up and act like a real American football player!