Sudden Onset Melancholy

In addition to being one of the band names I keep in this post of phrases I hear that I think would be good band names, it is an affliction from which I suffer. I had been doing OK since I returned home from my mom’s funeral. It helped that I was rarely alone. We drove back on a Thursday. I was off on Friday, but schools were out so my daughter was home as well. I then worked 7 days in a row. Tiring, but it kept me busy and kept my mind occupied. I was off this past weekend, but my family was also home. UK football and basketball was on TV and we did 4 hours selling pumpkins at the church pumpkin patch. All of this came to an end Monday morning. My daughter left for school at 6:40. My wife left for work at 7:30. I didn’t start work until 1pm. I kept busy, but there were little things that happened that brought on the melancholy.

I had a free coffee reward at Panera, so I took my book, bought coffee and a pastry and read for a little while before I went to vote. The problem? This is the Panera where my son worked when he still lived at home.  It made me sad that he was not there to stop by to chat on a break and that he wouldn’t be home when I got home from work that night.

It was also Halloween(breaking news!) and instead of being home handing out candy and taking kids trick or treating I was at work. I miss the days of walking around the neighborhood with my kids. Timehop didn’t help with all of the photos of Halloween past. So. I was sad about the fact that my kids are older and I’m very close to empty nest status.

This morning, my daughter woke up sick and was cranky about the fact that I was still going to work. She mentioned how I used to stay home with her when she was sick. I reminded her that that was when she was little and couldn’t take care of herself. She tried to convince me to stay home and do a Scream marathon with her. I really wish I could have justified doing this, but I didn’t feel like “I need to stay home and watch movies with my sick teenager” was a good excuse to miss work.

These seemingly little things all brought my lingering sadness of losing my mom back to the surface. I need to find some happy music to listen to at my desk this morning while the branch schedule makes me sad.

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1 Comment

  1. Liking this isn’t really appropriate. Empathy should be included in that, but it’s rather tenuous. I do understand how you feel, having lost both parents and knowing how I felt then. Hang in there, it will get better. Do own how you feel though. That’s really the best way to deal with this. It’s really quite normal for you to feel this way. I’m very sorry for your loss.

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