Why my kids will eventually stop speaking to me

Here are some examples of things I say to my kids that will eventually make them just stop speaking to me:

Son(at Ravens game) – Jacoby Jones is dressed today.

Me: That’s good. It would be a little weird if he was on the sidelines naked.

Daughter(about the movie) – My friends all said that Gravity is bad.

Me: I agree. I don’t like how it always holds me down.

Son: Salisbury(the college) called today.

Me: Did you inquire about their steaks?

Daughter – What time is it?


Jessica(asking me to put a pizza in the oven for lunch) – Can you put me in a pizza?

Me – I don’t think you will fit in a pizza.

And a bonus from when I was a kid:

My mom – If anyone calls I will be at the grocery store.

Me – Where will you be if nobody call?


Anyone at dinner – Do you wanna roll?

Me – Sure(gets down on floor and rolls.

I might need help.


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