Here are some examples of things I say to my kids that will eventually make them just stop speaking to me:
Son(at Ravens game) – Jacoby Jones is dressed today.
Me: That’s good. It would be a little weird if he was on the sidelines naked.
Daughter(about the movie) – My friends all said that Gravity is bad.
Me: I agree. I don’t like how it always holds me down.
Son: Salisbury(the college) called today.
Me: Did you inquire about their steaks?
Daughter – What time is it?
Me : GAME TIME!
Jessica(asking me to put a pizza in the oven for lunch) – Can you put me in a pizza?
Me – I don’t think you will fit in a pizza.
And a bonus from when I was a kid:
My mom – If anyone calls I will be at the grocery store.
Me – Where will you be if nobody call?
Anyone at dinner – Do you wanna roll?
Me – Sure(gets down on floor and rolls.
I might need help.